I am preparing for my Marriage and Family Therapy state licensing exams and, like a lot of people, I keep experiencing self-doubt based on my present performance on the online practice tests.
Wayne Dyer, in his book, "The Power of Intention" says that it is important to:
"Banish Doubt. When doubt is banished, abundance flourishes and anything is possible. We all tend to use our thoughts to create the world we choose. If you doubt your ability to create the life you intend, then you're refusing the power of intention. Even when nothing seems to indicate that you're accomplishing what you desire in your life, refuse to entertain doubt. Remember,the trolley strap of intention is waiting for you to float up and be carried along.
Shakespeare declared, "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt." And Ramana Maharshi observed, "Doubts arise because of an absence of surrender."
You may well choose to doubt what others say to you or what you experience with your senses, but banish doubt when it comes to knowing that a universal force of intention designed you and got you here! Don't doubt your creation from a field of energy that's always available to you." (2004, pp. 33-34)
In my view, denying our doubts is easier said than done because we do hear voices from our different sub-personalities which attempt to self-sabotage our intentions. My own strategy is to develop a heart statement or an affirmation that replaces negative self-talk with positive self-talk and self-motivation. Here's my affirmation around my state licensing exams:
"By being fully prepared, present and mindful,
clear, coherent and confident,
It is my purposeful intention
to successfully pass my MFT exams
For the highest good of all concerned!"
Integral eco-archetypal image
Integral eco-archetypal image
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Saturday, September 26, 2009
"Screw it, Let's do it!"
Having just had the pleasure in early September of experiencing Virgin Atlantic's services from Los Angeles to London and back, I was curious to know how the founder of Virgin Airways went from being a music record producer to the owner of an airline and a knighthood. Here's the Virgin Airways story from the horse's mouth, Sir Richard Branson:
"I had spent all our cash on signing up bands in Jamaica. But I had heard that if you were looking for a house on an island, you would get a grand tour, free of charge. I phoned an estate agent in the British Virgin Islands. I said I owned a record company and wanted to buy an island to build a studio on it.
'Please come as our guests. We have lots of lovely islands for sale. We'll show you around.'
Joan and I flew to the British Virgin Islands. We were treated like royalty. A big car met us at the airport and took us to a villa. It was like being in paradise. The next day a helicopter was waiting to take us on a tour. We skimmed over green palm trees and a blue sea. We landed on one lovely island after the other. We toured fantastic private estates and had a great time. We spun our free holiday out as long as we could, but at last we were running out of islands for sale.
We asked the agent if he had something that we hadn't seen.
'Yes, there's one, a real little jewel,' he said.
'It's miles from anywhere and it's quite unspoiled. Its name is Necker.' He said an English lord owned it, a man who had never been there.
An island that was miles from anywhere sounded good on two counts. The first was it was a nice long flight with plenty of scenery for us to enjoy. The second was we really did like the sound of it. Unspoiled meant that it had not been built on. Perhaps it would be cheap.
At fist island hopping was a game. We didn't mean to buy an island. I didn't think I could afford one. But now I was excited. I wanted to own our own place in paradise. I had another goal.
We flew over a blue sea and could see pale sand at the bottom. We landed on a white sandy beach. There was a green hill in the middle and we climbed it. The view from the top was worth the effort. We could see in every direction. The island was inside a coral reef. The white beach ran almost all the way around. The agent told us that turtles laid their eggs on the beach. The sea was so clear we could see a giant ray swimming along. In the middle of the island were two small lakes. There was a lush tropical forest. A flock of black parrots flew overhead. There were no big villas. It was a real desert island. Standing there, gazing out to sea, I was king of all I saw. I fell in love with Necker on the spot.
The agent warned us that there was no fresh water on the island. If we bought it, we would have to make it from the sea.
'Good,' I thought. 'They can't be asking a lot for a desert island with no water and no house.'
I asked him the price.
'Three million pounds,' he said.
It was far beyond my reach. 'I can offer 150,000 pounds,' I replied.
I was offering less than five per cent of the asking price! I was serious but the agent wasn't amused. 'The price is three million pounds,' he repeated.
'Final offer. I can go to 200,000 pounds,' I said.
We walked back down that hill and got into the helicopter. We flew back to the villa. Our bags were waiting outside. We had been thrown out. We spent the night in a bed and breakfast in the village and left the next day.
We spent the rest of our holiday on another island. Our plan was to travel on to Puerto Rico - but when we got to the airport, the flight was cancelled. No one was doing anything. So I did - someone had to. I chartered a plane for $ 2,000. I divided that by the number of people. It came to $ 39 a head. I borrowed a black board and wrote on it: VIRGIN AIRWAYS. $ 39 SINGLE FLIGHT TO PUERTO RICO.
The idea for Virgin Airways was born, right in the middle of a holiday, although the actual airline only properly took off when I was sent a business idea." ( 2006, pp.16-20).
~ Excerpted from "Screw it, Let's Do it - Lessons in Life" by Richard Branson.
"I had spent all our cash on signing up bands in Jamaica. But I had heard that if you were looking for a house on an island, you would get a grand tour, free of charge. I phoned an estate agent in the British Virgin Islands. I said I owned a record company and wanted to buy an island to build a studio on it.
'Please come as our guests. We have lots of lovely islands for sale. We'll show you around.'
Joan and I flew to the British Virgin Islands. We were treated like royalty. A big car met us at the airport and took us to a villa. It was like being in paradise. The next day a helicopter was waiting to take us on a tour. We skimmed over green palm trees and a blue sea. We landed on one lovely island after the other. We toured fantastic private estates and had a great time. We spun our free holiday out as long as we could, but at last we were running out of islands for sale.
We asked the agent if he had something that we hadn't seen.
'Yes, there's one, a real little jewel,' he said.
'It's miles from anywhere and it's quite unspoiled. Its name is Necker.' He said an English lord owned it, a man who had never been there.
An island that was miles from anywhere sounded good on two counts. The first was it was a nice long flight with plenty of scenery for us to enjoy. The second was we really did like the sound of it. Unspoiled meant that it had not been built on. Perhaps it would be cheap.
At fist island hopping was a game. We didn't mean to buy an island. I didn't think I could afford one. But now I was excited. I wanted to own our own place in paradise. I had another goal.
We flew over a blue sea and could see pale sand at the bottom. We landed on a white sandy beach. There was a green hill in the middle and we climbed it. The view from the top was worth the effort. We could see in every direction. The island was inside a coral reef. The white beach ran almost all the way around. The agent told us that turtles laid their eggs on the beach. The sea was so clear we could see a giant ray swimming along. In the middle of the island were two small lakes. There was a lush tropical forest. A flock of black parrots flew overhead. There were no big villas. It was a real desert island. Standing there, gazing out to sea, I was king of all I saw. I fell in love with Necker on the spot.
The agent warned us that there was no fresh water on the island. If we bought it, we would have to make it from the sea.
'Good,' I thought. 'They can't be asking a lot for a desert island with no water and no house.'
I asked him the price.
'Three million pounds,' he said.
It was far beyond my reach. 'I can offer 150,000 pounds,' I replied.
I was offering less than five per cent of the asking price! I was serious but the agent wasn't amused. 'The price is three million pounds,' he repeated.
'Final offer. I can go to 200,000 pounds,' I said.
We walked back down that hill and got into the helicopter. We flew back to the villa. Our bags were waiting outside. We had been thrown out. We spent the night in a bed and breakfast in the village and left the next day.
We spent the rest of our holiday on another island. Our plan was to travel on to Puerto Rico - but when we got to the airport, the flight was cancelled. No one was doing anything. So I did - someone had to. I chartered a plane for $ 2,000. I divided that by the number of people. It came to $ 39 a head. I borrowed a black board and wrote on it: VIRGIN AIRWAYS. $ 39 SINGLE FLIGHT TO PUERTO RICO.
The idea for Virgin Airways was born, right in the middle of a holiday, although the actual airline only properly took off when I was sent a business idea." ( 2006, pp.16-20).
~ Excerpted from "Screw it, Let's Do it - Lessons in Life" by Richard Branson.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Take a page from President Obama
"But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won't love every subject you study. You won't click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won't necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.
That's OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who've had the most failures. JK Rowling's first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
These people succeeded because they understand that you can't let your failures define you — you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn't mean you're a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn't mean you're stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.
No one's born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You're not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don't hit every note the first time you sing a song. You've got to practice. It's the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it's good enough to hand in.
Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust — a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor — and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.
And even when you're struggling, even when you're discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you — don't ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country."
~ Excerpted from President Obama's speech to the students of the USA.
That's OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who've had the most failures. JK Rowling's first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
These people succeeded because they understand that you can't let your failures define you — you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn't mean you're a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn't mean you're stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.
No one's born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You're not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don't hit every note the first time you sing a song. You've got to practice. It's the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it's good enough to hand in.
Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust — a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor — and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.
And even when you're struggling, even when you're discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you — don't ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country."
~ Excerpted from President Obama's speech to the students of the USA.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
90 Days without chocolate!
Beloveds:
Its been just over 90 days - and with the exception of one weak moment 2 weeks ago -I have not had a taste of chocolate! What I discovered on this fast is that I can live without chocolate but more importantly, I discovered that there are two very sly allies to chocolate: Caffeine and Sugar. I stopped drinking coffee years ago in 1985 when I had to quit using nicotine because caffeine was the twin enemy with nicotine.
Incidentally, that weak moment was a moment of complete disassociation! I saw this piece of chocolate cake being served to all of us who were celebrating the end of the three years of course work in the doctoral program, and I caught myself just after taking the first bite! I was playing Gotcha with myself!
Now I am finding out that my addiction to chocolate was as much a way of getting a caffeine fix as it is a way of getting a sugar fix! Its amazing how many things contain chocolate: cookies, cakes, donuts, ice cream, etc. As a result of letting go of chocolate, I lost 6 pounds in ninety days! But most of that loss probably has to do with not eating all these other products with high sugar and fat content!
The other regime I have started is to intensify my exercise regime. I was walking 30 minutes a day to which I added a routine of Qigong. That may have helped to get my circulation going and my breathing deeper, but it did not help to lose any weight. Now I have added walking up the steps at the Santa Barbara City College Stadium and a lap on the SBCC track! So, my exercise regime is a little more rigorous.
My intention is to lose another 6 pounds in the next three months, by which time I should be at an age appropriate and height appropriate weight!
Stay tuned!
Love, light and shadow,
Jalaledin
Its been just over 90 days - and with the exception of one weak moment 2 weeks ago -I have not had a taste of chocolate! What I discovered on this fast is that I can live without chocolate but more importantly, I discovered that there are two very sly allies to chocolate: Caffeine and Sugar. I stopped drinking coffee years ago in 1985 when I had to quit using nicotine because caffeine was the twin enemy with nicotine.
Incidentally, that weak moment was a moment of complete disassociation! I saw this piece of chocolate cake being served to all of us who were celebrating the end of the three years of course work in the doctoral program, and I caught myself just after taking the first bite! I was playing Gotcha with myself!
Now I am finding out that my addiction to chocolate was as much a way of getting a caffeine fix as it is a way of getting a sugar fix! Its amazing how many things contain chocolate: cookies, cakes, donuts, ice cream, etc. As a result of letting go of chocolate, I lost 6 pounds in ninety days! But most of that loss probably has to do with not eating all these other products with high sugar and fat content!
The other regime I have started is to intensify my exercise regime. I was walking 30 minutes a day to which I added a routine of Qigong. That may have helped to get my circulation going and my breathing deeper, but it did not help to lose any weight. Now I have added walking up the steps at the Santa Barbara City College Stadium and a lap on the SBCC track! So, my exercise regime is a little more rigorous.
My intention is to lose another 6 pounds in the next three months, by which time I should be at an age appropriate and height appropriate weight!
Stay tuned!
Love, light and shadow,
Jalaledin
Saturday, July 4, 2009
A Life Coach Examines Michael Jackson’s Legacy
A Star has flashed across our collective inner sky. A genius has left an enduring legacy. He was bigger than life. He was a giant in the entertainment field. He wowed us with his music and his moves. So what is the relevance of Michael Jackson to our lives?
The first thing that comes to mind is the early childhood discovery of a huge talent for music. Jackson was clearly a gifted entertainer who wasted no time in perfecting his artistry. From the perspective of a life coach, it is a huge blessing in life to become aware of our calling. That Michael Jackson did this so early in life set him on a clear path. He was precocious in his art beyond his years. Many have remarked how he sang as if he had years of experience behind him. Of the seven intelligences in Howard Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences, Michael had access to two unique intelligences: a musical intelligence which contains the capacity to produce and appreciate rhythm and forms of musical expression, and a bodily-kinesthetic intelligence which demonstrates an ability to control one’s body movements. One might even argue that Michael accessed a third intelligence: a linguistic intelligence which demonstrates a sensitivity to the sounds, rhythms and meaning of words But with this success came some serious problems: a loss of balance – loss of childhood, a stunted education and conflicts with his father, resulting in early parent-child relational issues. These can have a devastating affect on one’s psychology.
From a psychological perspective, Michael had to respond to his childhood trauma of physical and emotional abuse and also to the condition of body dysmorphic disorder. In addition, the loss of a normal childhood was irreparable even though Michael tried so hard to make up for this by entertaining underprivileged and disabled children and their families at his Neverland ranch.
Childhood trauma, intentional or accidental, can result in long term psychological and even physiological disorders. Depending on when in childhood such trauma may have occurred, one can anticipate a loss of self-esteem. If Michael was emotionally abused during what Erik Erikson would identify in his model of human development as the psychosocial stage of the latency years (age 6-11), he did not have an opportunity to develop self-esteem through normal peer interactions, since he did not have the benefit of a normal childhood. In the latency years, an individual needs to resolve the conflict between “industry” and “inferiority” before one progresses to the next stage of human development in the life span. His multitude of adoring fans clearly could not make up for the need for normal emotional and psychological development, which is why Michael was so fixated on his childhood issues.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder historically known as dysmorphophobia is a preoccupation with a perceived defect in appearance and can cause severe psychological distress. Whether this was as a result of the 1986 diagnosis of vitiligo, which is an auto-immune disease that causes a loss of pigmentation, or whether vitiligo was concurrent with his body dysmorphic disorder is unclear. Nevertheless, that Michael was able to avoid social isolation which is a typical response to this condition speaks to his strength and courage to treat it and overcome it, in his own unique way. Individuals with this disorder often pursue and receive general medical, dermatological or surgical treatments to rectify their imagined defects. To his credit, Michael found a way to make this a part of his mythic persona.
The life of a celebrity often reveals an inner wasteland because one spends so much time pleasing the fans and getting stroked by an adoring public. This too can lead to a huge imbalance, even though the positive projections from his fans may have compensated a little for his own experience of self-loathing as reported by his long-time friend, Dr. Deepak Chopra. Chopra also revealed that Michael was suffering from Lupus, an auto-immune disease, although there is one report that suggests he was in remission from this.
This level of deprivation of a cultivated inner life can often lead to depression and a “loss of soul.” Surprisingly, Michael was able to compensate for this to some extent because he was clearly receptive to inner promptings in the creation and expression of his music and dance. His best-selling album “Thriller” may have been the outcome of Michael’s capacity to touch and connect with his shadow side. On the other hand, it is also possible that Michael’s emotional development was arrested in his “genital” psycho-social stage, which runs from adolescence to adulthood. During the genital psychosocial stage, an individual works towards resolution of the conflicts between identity and identity diffusion in adolescence, between intimacy and isolation in young adulthood, and between generativity and self-absorption in adulthood. This perhaps explains his less subtle sexually suggestive moves on stage and his complete lack of personal boundaries with children, especially when he dangled his son from the balcony of a hotel room. The final concert series indicates that Michael was moving into the generativity psycho-social stage of his life.
It does not appear that Michael was able to fully overcome his deeper depressive symptoms because he had to treat some of his somatic symptoms with prescription medications to which he became addicted. Michael had been admitted into various programs for chemical dependence and one wonders whether there was ever a serious consideration to receive consistent psychotherapy for his psychological and emotional well-being. Yet, despite this constant struggle with his inner demons, he was able to engage his world-wide public by bringing joy, ecstasy and a sense of human connection that transcended race, culture and ethnicity.
His lyrics evolved from expressions of romantic love (“I’ll be there”) to self-transformation (“Man in the Mirror”) to the unity of humankind (“We are the world”). Deepak Chopra revealed that the music for his final concert tour included environmental themes. So, clearly, despite his many personal trials and tribulations, psychological, legal and financial challenges, Michael was able to give the absolute very best of himself as the King of Pop, and possibly even as a father. He left an indelible impression on the lives of millions of people through his chosen vocation, creative self-expression and re-invention. One might go so far as to say that he achieved a remarkable degree of self-actualization. That is his greatest legacy.
The first thing that comes to mind is the early childhood discovery of a huge talent for music. Jackson was clearly a gifted entertainer who wasted no time in perfecting his artistry. From the perspective of a life coach, it is a huge blessing in life to become aware of our calling. That Michael Jackson did this so early in life set him on a clear path. He was precocious in his art beyond his years. Many have remarked how he sang as if he had years of experience behind him. Of the seven intelligences in Howard Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences, Michael had access to two unique intelligences: a musical intelligence which contains the capacity to produce and appreciate rhythm and forms of musical expression, and a bodily-kinesthetic intelligence which demonstrates an ability to control one’s body movements. One might even argue that Michael accessed a third intelligence: a linguistic intelligence which demonstrates a sensitivity to the sounds, rhythms and meaning of words But with this success came some serious problems: a loss of balance – loss of childhood, a stunted education and conflicts with his father, resulting in early parent-child relational issues. These can have a devastating affect on one’s psychology.
From a psychological perspective, Michael had to respond to his childhood trauma of physical and emotional abuse and also to the condition of body dysmorphic disorder. In addition, the loss of a normal childhood was irreparable even though Michael tried so hard to make up for this by entertaining underprivileged and disabled children and their families at his Neverland ranch.
Childhood trauma, intentional or accidental, can result in long term psychological and even physiological disorders. Depending on when in childhood such trauma may have occurred, one can anticipate a loss of self-esteem. If Michael was emotionally abused during what Erik Erikson would identify in his model of human development as the psychosocial stage of the latency years (age 6-11), he did not have an opportunity to develop self-esteem through normal peer interactions, since he did not have the benefit of a normal childhood. In the latency years, an individual needs to resolve the conflict between “industry” and “inferiority” before one progresses to the next stage of human development in the life span. His multitude of adoring fans clearly could not make up for the need for normal emotional and psychological development, which is why Michael was so fixated on his childhood issues.
Body Dysmorphic Disorder historically known as dysmorphophobia is a preoccupation with a perceived defect in appearance and can cause severe psychological distress. Whether this was as a result of the 1986 diagnosis of vitiligo, which is an auto-immune disease that causes a loss of pigmentation, or whether vitiligo was concurrent with his body dysmorphic disorder is unclear. Nevertheless, that Michael was able to avoid social isolation which is a typical response to this condition speaks to his strength and courage to treat it and overcome it, in his own unique way. Individuals with this disorder often pursue and receive general medical, dermatological or surgical treatments to rectify their imagined defects. To his credit, Michael found a way to make this a part of his mythic persona.
The life of a celebrity often reveals an inner wasteland because one spends so much time pleasing the fans and getting stroked by an adoring public. This too can lead to a huge imbalance, even though the positive projections from his fans may have compensated a little for his own experience of self-loathing as reported by his long-time friend, Dr. Deepak Chopra. Chopra also revealed that Michael was suffering from Lupus, an auto-immune disease, although there is one report that suggests he was in remission from this.
This level of deprivation of a cultivated inner life can often lead to depression and a “loss of soul.” Surprisingly, Michael was able to compensate for this to some extent because he was clearly receptive to inner promptings in the creation and expression of his music and dance. His best-selling album “Thriller” may have been the outcome of Michael’s capacity to touch and connect with his shadow side. On the other hand, it is also possible that Michael’s emotional development was arrested in his “genital” psycho-social stage, which runs from adolescence to adulthood. During the genital psychosocial stage, an individual works towards resolution of the conflicts between identity and identity diffusion in adolescence, between intimacy and isolation in young adulthood, and between generativity and self-absorption in adulthood. This perhaps explains his less subtle sexually suggestive moves on stage and his complete lack of personal boundaries with children, especially when he dangled his son from the balcony of a hotel room. The final concert series indicates that Michael was moving into the generativity psycho-social stage of his life.
It does not appear that Michael was able to fully overcome his deeper depressive symptoms because he had to treat some of his somatic symptoms with prescription medications to which he became addicted. Michael had been admitted into various programs for chemical dependence and one wonders whether there was ever a serious consideration to receive consistent psychotherapy for his psychological and emotional well-being. Yet, despite this constant struggle with his inner demons, he was able to engage his world-wide public by bringing joy, ecstasy and a sense of human connection that transcended race, culture and ethnicity.
His lyrics evolved from expressions of romantic love (“I’ll be there”) to self-transformation (“Man in the Mirror”) to the unity of humankind (“We are the world”). Deepak Chopra revealed that the music for his final concert tour included environmental themes. So, clearly, despite his many personal trials and tribulations, psychological, legal and financial challenges, Michael was able to give the absolute very best of himself as the King of Pop, and possibly even as a father. He left an indelible impression on the lives of millions of people through his chosen vocation, creative self-expression and re-invention. One might go so far as to say that he achieved a remarkable degree of self-actualization. That is his greatest legacy.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
The Other Side of Chocolate!
On May 28, 2009, I turned sixty. In addition to dealing with the recent onset of andropause, I set an intention to stop eating chocolate on May 29! Chocolate - that wonderful after lunch and dinner "pick-me-up", that delicious break between tasks; chocolate - that chip that generously spikes my mint chip ice cream and enlivens my chocolate chip cookies.
I chose to ritualize this decision by having a final birthday treat (thank you sooo much to my co-conspirator, Honoree, nee Ms. Nancy Evelyn Hinman) - chocolate dessert at the 5 star Miro restaurant at the Baccara Spa and Resort in Goleta, California. It was important to go out in style! Farewell to all my special friends: Cadbury's, See's, Toblerone, Godiva, Giriardelli, Lindt, Paul Newman's and all the tempting chocolate treats from Trader Joe's! These were all important relationships and I want to express my gratitude and appreciation for all of the years that you have all been there for me! I promise to nod my respects to you when I next see you at the check out counter!
Why, you may ask, did I choose to let go of this delectable aphrodisiac at this time in my life?
The answer resides not only in the results of my annual physical check up but also in my decision to look at my compulsive consumption of chocolate. Yes, I have been an avowed chocoholic for years! It has helped me to deal with over-stimulation, emotional arousal and transitional moments which I had so unconsciously ritualized.
It is my intention to write about this process of releasing myself from this charming compulsion as a Life Coach so that others can do the same with their own special compulsions if they so choose.
My preferred strategy to quit chocolate is the same way I quit caffeine (for the most part), nicotine, alcohol and other substances: Cold Turkey!
Today, Sunday, I will be removing from the refrigerator the tasty chocolate sauce that I love to dash over my coconut ice cream! Tomorrow I will donate the rest of my chocolate treats to the office! Wit the loss of this seductive coping skill, I am going to be experimenting with mints, honey-sesame almonds, fresh fruit, dried fruit and other delectables - as a first step!
I am not sure there is a Chocoholic Anonymous chapter in Santa Barbara - but if not - I could always start one!
I am holding the vision for myself to let go of all of my compulsions and to experience a peak level of physical and emotional well-being as I navigae my sixties!
I look forward to keep you all informed of my progress and what happens when we disempower our compulsions - on the other side of chocolate!
Love, light and shadow,
Jalaledin
I chose to ritualize this decision by having a final birthday treat (thank you sooo much to my co-conspirator, Honoree, nee Ms. Nancy Evelyn Hinman) - chocolate dessert at the 5 star Miro restaurant at the Baccara Spa and Resort in Goleta, California. It was important to go out in style! Farewell to all my special friends: Cadbury's, See's, Toblerone, Godiva, Giriardelli, Lindt, Paul Newman's and all the tempting chocolate treats from Trader Joe's! These were all important relationships and I want to express my gratitude and appreciation for all of the years that you have all been there for me! I promise to nod my respects to you when I next see you at the check out counter!
Why, you may ask, did I choose to let go of this delectable aphrodisiac at this time in my life?
The answer resides not only in the results of my annual physical check up but also in my decision to look at my compulsive consumption of chocolate. Yes, I have been an avowed chocoholic for years! It has helped me to deal with over-stimulation, emotional arousal and transitional moments which I had so unconsciously ritualized.
It is my intention to write about this process of releasing myself from this charming compulsion as a Life Coach so that others can do the same with their own special compulsions if they so choose.
My preferred strategy to quit chocolate is the same way I quit caffeine (for the most part), nicotine, alcohol and other substances: Cold Turkey!
Today, Sunday, I will be removing from the refrigerator the tasty chocolate sauce that I love to dash over my coconut ice cream! Tomorrow I will donate the rest of my chocolate treats to the office! Wit the loss of this seductive coping skill, I am going to be experimenting with mints, honey-sesame almonds, fresh fruit, dried fruit and other delectables - as a first step!
I am not sure there is a Chocoholic Anonymous chapter in Santa Barbara - but if not - I could always start one!
I am holding the vision for myself to let go of all of my compulsions and to experience a peak level of physical and emotional well-being as I navigae my sixties!
I look forward to keep you all informed of my progress and what happens when we disempower our compulsions - on the other side of chocolate!
Love, light and shadow,
Jalaledin
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
They had it made!
This is an article by David Brooks that caught my attention today!
"In the late 1930s, a group of 268 promising young men, including John F. Kennedy and Ben Bradlee, entered Harvard College. By any normal measure, they had it made. They tended to be bright, polished, affluent and ambitious. They had the benefit of the world’s most prestigious university. They had been selected even from among Harvard students as the most well adjusted.
And yet the categories of journalism and the stereotypes of normal conversation are paltry when it comes to predicting a life course. Their lives played out in ways that would defy any imagination save Dostoyevsky’s. A third of the men would suffer at least one bout of mental illness. Alcoholism would be a running plague. The most mundane personalities often produced the most solid success. One man couldn’t admit to himself that he was gay until he was in his late 70s.
The men were the subject of one of the century’s most fascinating longitudinal studies. They were selected when they were sophomores, and they have been probed, poked and measured ever since. Researchers visited their homes and investigated everything from early bed-wetting episodes to their body dimensions.
The results from the study, known as the Grant Study, have surfaced periodically in the years since. But they’ve never been so brilliantly captured as they are in an essay called “What Makes Us Happy?” by Joshua Wolf Shenk in the forthcoming issue of The Atlantic. (The essay is available online today.)
The life stories are more vivid than any theory one could concoct to explain them. One man seemed particularly gifted. He grew up in a large brownstone, the son of a rich doctor and an artistic mother. “Perhaps more than any other boy who has been in the Grant Study,” a researcher wrote while he was in college, “the following participant exemplifies the qualities of a superior personality: stability, intelligence, good judgment, health, high purpose, and ideals.”
By 31, he had developed hostile feelings toward his parents and the world. By his mid-30s, he had dropped off the study’s radar. Interviews with his friends after his early death revealed a life spent wandering, dating a potentially psychotic girlfriend, smoking a lot of dope and telling hilarious stories.
Another man was the jester of the group, possessing in college a “bubbling, effervescent personality.” He got married, did odd jobs, then went into public relations and had three kids.
He got divorced, married again, ran off with a mistress who then left him. He drank more and more heavily. He grew depressed but then came out of the closet and became a major figure in the gay rights movement. He continued drinking, though, convinced he was squeezing the most out of life. He died at age 64 when he fell down the stairs in his apartment building while drunk.
The study had produced a stream of suggestive correlations. The men were able to cope with problems better as they aged. The ones who suffered from depression by 50 were much more likely to die by 63. The men with close relationships with their siblings were much healthier in old age than those without them.
But it’s the baffling variety of their lives that strikes one the most. It is as if we all contain a multitude of characters and patterns of behavior, and these characters and patterns are bidden by cues we don’t even hear. They take center stage in consciousness and decision-making in ways we can’t even fathom. The man who is careful and meticulous in one stage of life is unrecognizable in another context.
Shenk’s treatment is superb because he weaves in the life of George Vaillant, the man who for 42 years has overseen this work. Vaillant’s overall conclusion is familiar and profound. Relationships are the key to happiness. “Happiness is love. Full Stop,” he says in a video.
In his professional life, he has lived out that creed. He has been an admired and beloved colleague and mentor. But the story is more problematic at home. When he was 10, his father, an apparently happy and accomplished man, went out by the pool of the Main Line home and shot himself. His mother shrouded the episode. They never attended a memorial service nor saw the house again.
He has been through three marriages and returned to his second wife. His children tell Shenk of a “civil war” at home and describe long periods when they wouldn’t speak to him. His oldest friend says he has a problem with intimacy.
Even when we know something, it is hard to make it so. Reading this essay, I had the same sense I had while reading Christopher Buckley’s description of his parents in The Times Magazine not long ago. There is a complexity to human affairs before which science and analysis simply stands mute. "
"In the late 1930s, a group of 268 promising young men, including John F. Kennedy and Ben Bradlee, entered Harvard College. By any normal measure, they had it made. They tended to be bright, polished, affluent and ambitious. They had the benefit of the world’s most prestigious university. They had been selected even from among Harvard students as the most well adjusted.
And yet the categories of journalism and the stereotypes of normal conversation are paltry when it comes to predicting a life course. Their lives played out in ways that would defy any imagination save Dostoyevsky’s. A third of the men would suffer at least one bout of mental illness. Alcoholism would be a running plague. The most mundane personalities often produced the most solid success. One man couldn’t admit to himself that he was gay until he was in his late 70s.
The men were the subject of one of the century’s most fascinating longitudinal studies. They were selected when they were sophomores, and they have been probed, poked and measured ever since. Researchers visited their homes and investigated everything from early bed-wetting episodes to their body dimensions.
The results from the study, known as the Grant Study, have surfaced periodically in the years since. But they’ve never been so brilliantly captured as they are in an essay called “What Makes Us Happy?” by Joshua Wolf Shenk in the forthcoming issue of The Atlantic. (The essay is available online today.)
The life stories are more vivid than any theory one could concoct to explain them. One man seemed particularly gifted. He grew up in a large brownstone, the son of a rich doctor and an artistic mother. “Perhaps more than any other boy who has been in the Grant Study,” a researcher wrote while he was in college, “the following participant exemplifies the qualities of a superior personality: stability, intelligence, good judgment, health, high purpose, and ideals.”
By 31, he had developed hostile feelings toward his parents and the world. By his mid-30s, he had dropped off the study’s radar. Interviews with his friends after his early death revealed a life spent wandering, dating a potentially psychotic girlfriend, smoking a lot of dope and telling hilarious stories.
Another man was the jester of the group, possessing in college a “bubbling, effervescent personality.” He got married, did odd jobs, then went into public relations and had three kids.
He got divorced, married again, ran off with a mistress who then left him. He drank more and more heavily. He grew depressed but then came out of the closet and became a major figure in the gay rights movement. He continued drinking, though, convinced he was squeezing the most out of life. He died at age 64 when he fell down the stairs in his apartment building while drunk.
The study had produced a stream of suggestive correlations. The men were able to cope with problems better as they aged. The ones who suffered from depression by 50 were much more likely to die by 63. The men with close relationships with their siblings were much healthier in old age than those without them.
But it’s the baffling variety of their lives that strikes one the most. It is as if we all contain a multitude of characters and patterns of behavior, and these characters and patterns are bidden by cues we don’t even hear. They take center stage in consciousness and decision-making in ways we can’t even fathom. The man who is careful and meticulous in one stage of life is unrecognizable in another context.
Shenk’s treatment is superb because he weaves in the life of George Vaillant, the man who for 42 years has overseen this work. Vaillant’s overall conclusion is familiar and profound. Relationships are the key to happiness. “Happiness is love. Full Stop,” he says in a video.
In his professional life, he has lived out that creed. He has been an admired and beloved colleague and mentor. But the story is more problematic at home. When he was 10, his father, an apparently happy and accomplished man, went out by the pool of the Main Line home and shot himself. His mother shrouded the episode. They never attended a memorial service nor saw the house again.
He has been through three marriages and returned to his second wife. His children tell Shenk of a “civil war” at home and describe long periods when they wouldn’t speak to him. His oldest friend says he has a problem with intimacy.
Even when we know something, it is hard to make it so. Reading this essay, I had the same sense I had while reading Christopher Buckley’s description of his parents in The Times Magazine not long ago. There is a complexity to human affairs before which science and analysis simply stands mute. "
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