Coaching for Health

Beloveds:

Having been proactive about my chest pains on this past Xmas Day by going to the ER at Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital and enduring the 5 hours of tests, I know a little something about coaching for Health. The chest pains were on a two to three on a scale of 1 to 10 and I was packed and ready to drive to Redondo Beach to spend the weekend with my sister. The fact that I made my health decision the priority and drove to the urgent care clinic and then the ER speaks well of my sense of values and personal responsibility. Health has to be our NUMBER ONE priority.

Of course, I did not think this was a heart problem. It felt like an esophageal constriction of some kind. But the hospital has to rule out any concerns about the heart, when it comes to chest pains. The conclusion was that I had some gastro-intestinal complications.

I still made it to Redondo Beach and spent time with my sister (another smart decision) because then the GI symptoms flared up and I really needed some special attention. We needed to look at the quality (bland), quantity (light) and frequency of meals. The other major decision was to not return to work until I was stable.

The next step was a follow up with my primary physician as soon as he was available. I remembered to give him the fullest history including concerns about the occasional constrictions in my esophageal area. He decided to order the gold standard in tests: an endoscopy and an ultra-sound of my abdominal area, both tests in the New Year.
He was actually very surprised that I had lost the weight he had asked me to lose.
I think a collaborative relationship with our MD is essential to our treatment. I was honest, open and willing to following his recommendations during my annual physical and clearly an MD likes to know that his/her patient is taking appropriate and timely therapeutic action.

Yes. I decided to use my PTO (personal time off) to focus on my heath and treatment.
I have been reading, resting, watching cable, calling friends, blogging and social networking - all necessary for my healing and self-care. Not to mention being creative with my diet!! And giving my body the rest it craves as well as the exercise it needs!

Of course, as a depth psychologist, I can hardly leave at it that because I know this all has a deeper meaning. In consulting Caroline Myss's "Why People Don't Heal and How They Can" it is clear that these gastro-intestinal symptoms are related to the Third Chakra:

"Within the Hebrew Tradition, the third energy center contains two forces intensely vital to our spirits - Hod, representing integrity and majesty; and Nezah, symbolic of the capacity to endure. In the Hindu tradition, this energy is presented as Manipura, meaning the "city of the shining jewel," and in the Christian tradition, it relates to the sacrament of Confirmation. All of these descriptions refer to the same essential spiritual powers: self-esteem, self-respect, and integrity.

Respect for ourselves is necessary to healing. A lack of self-respect, or a dishonorable character, is itself an illness. when we lack the fundamental spiritual qualities of endurance, integrity, honor and self-esteem, healing the physical body becomes a double challenge.

You can easily sense when you are entering the shadow side of the third chakra: it manifests as shame, inadequacy, self-consciousness, and fear of others. Negative feelings drain the energy you need to heal. Reflection on what undermines your endurance and integrity, on where your energy leaks occur. Integrity is not solely the manner in which you conduct yourself with others. Think of it as the manner in which you conduct yourself with yourself. Can you make a commitment to yourself and keep it with integrity? Can you promise yourself to change your personal behavioral patterns (a discipline associated with the third chakra) and then keep that promise?
To build endurance, can you commit to a shift of lifestyle and withstand the discomfort of walking that new path? Can you look at yourself and feel proud of your own honor code.

While all the chakras play a vital role in your healing, the third chakra contains the energy of endurance - the power to endure the journey. The commitment to yourself to go the distance can be considered the backbone of your healing challenge.

Your commitment to yourself gives you the capacity to endure what may seem psychologically, emotionally and physically beyond your limits. As a matter of spiritual honor and self-respect, your commitment to heal reflects your regard for the sanctity of your own life. Maintaining this commitment - day by day and hour by hour, actively and passively, in your dreams and in your thoughts - generates an intensity of self-esteem and self-awareness. " (1997, pp. 199-200).


Happy New Year!

Marking two huge milestones!!!

Beloveds:

The good news is that

1. I have not eaten any chocolate for 180 days! and
2. I passed the standard written MFT (marriage and family therapy) exam by using all
of the skills I have learned as a life coach.

Yes, I was fully prepared, present mindful and confident,
clear, coherent and confident but...

I had also prepared physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually for this exam.
I can share with you without any hesitation that the spiritual support I received
took me over the finish line.

Here's what happened:

I enrolled in the appropriate test prep workshop and took them four times.
I spent weekends taking the online practice tests and a mock exam.
I listened to all the CDs on the exam content.
I studied the prep workbook to review all of the content.

On the day of the exam, I spent a glorious morning walking and
running on the beach after spending the Thanksgiving four day weekend studying.
I spent another hour and a half doing a quick review before lunch. Then I drove to the test site.

On entering the test room and getting myself situated, I took a few minutes to invoke the Light and the Grace of the One, and started the test.

Sixty minutes into the four hour test, I was already 13-15 questions behind because I was perseverating over getting the right answers....So, that meant that I spent the next two hours trying to catch up. In the final hour, I was still the same number of questions behind and I did not know how I was going to pass the exam since I didn't think I was going to complete the exam in time. I did not have time to take a break or a breather even though the workshop instructor had recommended that we do this several times to fight fatigue and the loss of concentration.

In my case, I was fighting the clock and decided I had to speed read by just getting the gist of the questions - not to get the answers right but - to complete the exam in order to improve my chances of passing.

It was in the final hour that many in my spiritual circles sent out spiritual support and somehow, quite miraculously, I was able to complete the exam by answering
the last question in the last minute!

I am providing this level of detail to highlight the need we all have for spiritual support and succor. I am grateful to all those who were holding me in the light.

I still have one more exam to write before I achieve my dream of being licensed as a psychotherapist!

Love, light and shadow,
Jalaledin

Affirmations to banish doubt!

I am preparing for my Marriage and Family Therapy state licensing exams and, like a lot of people, I keep experiencing self-doubt based on my present performance on the online practice tests.

Wayne Dyer, in his book, "The Power of Intention" says that it is important to:

"Banish Doubt. When doubt is banished, abundance flourishes and anything is possible. We all tend to use our thoughts to create the world we choose. If you doubt your ability to create the life you intend, then you're refusing the power of intention. Even when nothing seems to indicate that you're accomplishing what you desire in your life, refuse to entertain doubt. Remember,the trolley strap of intention is waiting for you to float up and be carried along.

Shakespeare declared, "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt." And Ramana Maharshi observed, "Doubts arise because of an absence of surrender."

You may well choose to doubt what others say to you or what you experience with your senses, but banish doubt when it comes to knowing that a universal force of intention designed you and got you here! Don't doubt your creation from a field of energy that's always available to you." (2004, pp. 33-34)

In my view, denying our doubts is easier said than done because we do hear voices from our different sub-personalities which attempt to self-sabotage our intentions. My own strategy is to develop a heart statement or an affirmation that replaces negative self-talk with positive self-talk and self-motivation. Here's my affirmation around my state licensing exams:

"By being fully prepared, present and mindful,
clear, coherent and confident,
It is my purposeful intention
to successfully pass my MFT exams
For the highest good of all concerned!"

"Screw it, Let's do it!"

Having just had the pleasure in early September of experiencing Virgin Atlantic's services from Los Angeles to London and back, I was curious to know how the founder of Virgin Airways went from being a music record producer to the owner of an airline and a knighthood. Here's the Virgin Airways story from the horse's mouth, Sir Richard Branson:

"I had spent all our cash on signing up bands in Jamaica. But I had heard that if you were looking for a house on an island, you would get a grand tour, free of charge. I phoned an estate agent in the British Virgin Islands. I said I owned a record company and wanted to buy an island to build a studio on it.

'Please come as our guests. We have lots of lovely islands for sale. We'll show you around.'

Joan and I flew to the British Virgin Islands. We were treated like royalty. A big car met us at the airport and took us to a villa. It was like being in paradise. The next day a helicopter was waiting to take us on a tour. We skimmed over green palm trees and a blue sea. We landed on one lovely island after the other. We toured fantastic private estates and had a great time. We spun our free holiday out as long as we could, but at last we were running out of islands for sale.

We asked the agent if he had something that we hadn't seen.

'Yes, there's one, a real little jewel,' he said.

'It's miles from anywhere and it's quite unspoiled. Its name is Necker.' He said an English lord owned it, a man who had never been there.

An island that was miles from anywhere sounded good on two counts. The first was it was a nice long flight with plenty of scenery for us to enjoy. The second was we really did like the sound of it. Unspoiled meant that it had not been built on. Perhaps it would be cheap.

At fist island hopping was a game. We didn't mean to buy an island. I didn't think I could afford one. But now I was excited. I wanted to own our own place in paradise. I had another goal.

We flew over a blue sea and could see pale sand at the bottom. We landed on a white sandy beach. There was a green hill in the middle and we climbed it. The view from the top was worth the effort. We could see in every direction. The island was inside a coral reef. The white beach ran almost all the way around. The agent told us that turtles laid their eggs on the beach. The sea was so clear we could see a giant ray swimming along. In the middle of the island were two small lakes. There was a lush tropical forest. A flock of black parrots flew overhead. There were no big villas. It was a real desert island. Standing there, gazing out to sea, I was king of all I saw. I fell in love with Necker on the spot.

The agent warned us that there was no fresh water on the island. If we bought it, we would have to make it from the sea.

'Good,' I thought. 'They can't be asking a lot for a desert island with no water and no house.'

I asked him the price.

'Three million pounds,' he said.

It was far beyond my reach. 'I can offer 150,000 pounds,' I replied.

I was offering less than five per cent of the asking price! I was serious but the agent wasn't amused. 'The price is three million pounds,' he repeated.

'Final offer. I can go to 200,000 pounds,' I said.

We walked back down that hill and got into the helicopter. We flew back to the villa. Our bags were waiting outside. We had been thrown out. We spent the night in a bed and breakfast in the village and left the next day.

We spent the rest of our holiday on another island. Our plan was to travel on to Puerto Rico - but when we got to the airport, the flight was cancelled. No one was doing anything. So I did - someone had to. I chartered a plane for $ 2,000. I divided that by the number of people. It came to $ 39 a head. I borrowed a black board and wrote on it: VIRGIN AIRWAYS. $ 39 SINGLE FLIGHT TO PUERTO RICO.

The idea for Virgin Airways was born, right in the middle of a holiday, although the actual airline only properly took off when I was sent a business idea." ( 2006, pp.16-20).

~ Excerpted from "Screw it, Let's Do it - Lessons in Life" by Richard Branson.

Take a page from President Obama

"But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won't love every subject you study. You won't click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won't necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.

That's OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who've had the most failures. JK Rowling's first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

These people succeeded because they understand that you can't let your failures define you — you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn't mean you're a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn't mean you're stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.

No one's born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You're not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don't hit every note the first time you sing a song. You've got to practice. It's the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it's good enough to hand in.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust — a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor — and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.

And even when you're struggling, even when you're discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you — don't ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country."

~ Excerpted from President Obama's speech to the students of the USA.

90 Days without chocolate!

Beloveds:

Its been just over 90 days - and with the exception of one weak moment 2 weeks ago -I have not had a taste of chocolate! What I discovered on this fast is that I can live without chocolate but more importantly, I discovered that there are two very sly allies to chocolate: Caffeine and Sugar. I stopped drinking coffee years ago in 1985 when I had to quit using nicotine because caffeine was the twin enemy with nicotine.

Incidentally, that weak moment was a moment of complete disassociation! I saw this piece of chocolate cake being served to all of us who were celebrating the end of the three years of course work in the doctoral program, and I caught myself just after taking the first bite! I was playing Gotcha with myself!

Now I am finding out that my addiction to chocolate was as much a way of getting a caffeine fix as it is a way of getting a sugar fix! Its amazing how many things contain chocolate: cookies, cakes, donuts, ice cream, etc. As a result of letting go of chocolate, I lost 6 pounds in ninety days! But most of that loss probably has to do with not eating all these other products with high sugar and fat content!

The other regime I have started is to intensify my exercise regime. I was walking 30 minutes a day to which I added a routine of Qigong. That may have helped to get my circulation going and my breathing deeper, but it did not help to lose any weight. Now I have added walking up the steps at the Santa Barbara City College Stadium and a lap on the SBCC track! So, my exercise regime is a little more rigorous.

My intention is to lose another 6 pounds in the next three months, by which time I should be at an age appropriate and height appropriate weight!

Stay tuned!
Love, light and shadow,
Jalaledin

A Life Coach Examines Michael Jackson’s Legacy

A Star has flashed across our collective inner sky. A genius has left an enduring legacy. He was bigger than life. He was a giant in the entertainment field. He wowed us with his music and his moves. So what is the relevance of Michael Jackson to our lives?

The first thing that comes to mind is the early childhood discovery of a huge talent for music. Jackson was clearly a gifted entertainer who wasted no time in perfecting his artistry. From the perspective of a life coach, it is a huge blessing in life to become aware of our calling. That Michael Jackson did this so early in life set him on a clear path. He was precocious in his art beyond his years. Many have remarked how he sang as if he had years of experience behind him. Of the seven intelligences in Howard Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences, Michael had access to two unique intelligences: a musical intelligence which contains the capacity to produce and appreciate rhythm and forms of musical expression, and a bodily-kinesthetic intelligence which demonstrates an ability to control one’s body movements. One might even argue that Michael accessed a third intelligence: a linguistic intelligence which demonstrates a sensitivity to the sounds, rhythms and meaning of words But with this success came some serious problems: a loss of balance – loss of childhood, a stunted education and conflicts with his father, resulting in early parent-child relational issues. These can have a devastating affect on one’s psychology.

From a psychological perspective, Michael had to respond to his childhood trauma of physical and emotional abuse and also to the condition of body dysmorphic disorder. In addition, the loss of a normal childhood was irreparable even though Michael tried so hard to make up for this by entertaining underprivileged and disabled children and their families at his Neverland ranch.

Childhood trauma, intentional or accidental, can result in long term psychological and even physiological disorders. Depending on when in childhood such trauma may have occurred, one can anticipate a loss of self-esteem. If Michael was emotionally abused during what Erik Erikson would identify in his model of human development as the psychosocial stage of the latency years (age 6-11), he did not have an opportunity to develop self-esteem through normal peer interactions, since he did not have the benefit of a normal childhood. In the latency years, an individual needs to resolve the conflict between “industry” and “inferiority” before one progresses to the next stage of human development in the life span. His multitude of adoring fans clearly could not make up for the need for normal emotional and psychological development, which is why Michael was so fixated on his childhood issues.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder historically known as dysmorphophobia is a preoccupation with a perceived defect in appearance and can cause severe psychological distress. Whether this was as a result of the 1986 diagnosis of vitiligo, which is an auto-immune disease that causes a loss of pigmentation, or whether vitiligo was concurrent with his body dysmorphic disorder is unclear. Nevertheless, that Michael was able to avoid social isolation which is a typical response to this condition speaks to his strength and courage to treat it and overcome it, in his own unique way. Individuals with this disorder often pursue and receive general medical, dermatological or surgical treatments to rectify their imagined defects. To his credit, Michael found a way to make this a part of his mythic persona.

The life of a celebrity often reveals an inner wasteland because one spends so much time pleasing the fans and getting stroked by an adoring public. This too can lead to a huge imbalance, even though the positive projections from his fans may have compensated a little for his own experience of self-loathing as reported by his long-time friend, Dr. Deepak Chopra. Chopra also revealed that Michael was suffering from Lupus, an auto-immune disease, although there is one report that suggests he was in remission from this.

This level of deprivation of a cultivated inner life can often lead to depression and a “loss of soul.” Surprisingly, Michael was able to compensate for this to some extent because he was clearly receptive to inner promptings in the creation and expression of his music and dance. His best-selling album “Thriller” may have been the outcome of Michael’s capacity to touch and connect with his shadow side. On the other hand, it is also possible that Michael’s emotional development was arrested in his “genital” psycho-social stage, which runs from adolescence to adulthood. During the genital psychosocial stage, an individual works towards resolution of the conflicts between identity and identity diffusion in adolescence, between intimacy and isolation in young adulthood, and between generativity and self-absorption in adulthood. This perhaps explains his less subtle sexually suggestive moves on stage and his complete lack of personal boundaries with children, especially when he dangled his son from the balcony of a hotel room. The final concert series indicates that Michael was moving into the generativity psycho-social stage of his life.

It does not appear that Michael was able to fully overcome his deeper depressive symptoms because he had to treat some of his somatic symptoms with prescription medications to which he became addicted. Michael had been admitted into various programs for chemical dependence and one wonders whether there was ever a serious consideration to receive consistent psychotherapy for his psychological and emotional well-being. Yet, despite this constant struggle with his inner demons, he was able to engage his world-wide public by bringing joy, ecstasy and a sense of human connection that transcended race, culture and ethnicity.

His lyrics evolved from expressions of romantic love (“I’ll be there”) to self-transformation (“Man in the Mirror”) to the unity of humankind (“We are the world”). Deepak Chopra revealed that the music for his final concert tour included environmental themes. So, clearly, despite his many personal trials and tribulations, psychological, legal and financial challenges, Michael was able to give the absolute very best of himself as the King of Pop, and possibly even as a father. He left an indelible impression on the lives of millions of people through his chosen vocation, creative self-expression and re-invention. One might go so far as to say that he achieved a remarkable degree of self-actualization. That is his greatest legacy.