Beloveds:
This is an excerpt from my doctoral dissertation which helped me to get in touch with my Divine feminine and which also inspired me to look at the occluded feminine psychology of the wisdom tradition in which I was raised. But in order to begin this imaginal dialogue with the Immaculate Mary, I first had to work through my own Mother Complex, which in itself allowed me to open up with the requisite vulnerability even to be able to approach the Immaculate Mary. This process helped me to bring a more nuanced feminine perspective to my doctoral research.
I really had not thought of presenting this material in this manner until this past weekend when I ran into an artist at the Santa Barbara Art Walk who designs pottery and a nice selection of ceramic magnets. On my suggestion, he had made a small magnet of Mary which I had been hoping to purchase. He then shared with me that his faith in Mary had deepened in the last couple of weeks as he was working through things with his own ailing Mother. I shared with him my own experience with the following imaginal dialogue which caught his interest. I promised I would share it with him through this blog.
Love, light and shadow,
Dr. Jalaledin Ebrahim, LMFT.
Appendix H: Alchemical
and imaginal dialogue
Imaginal
Dialogue between Jalaledin (JE) and the Immaculate Mary (IM) on 4-05-12
JE: Beloved Mother
Mary, hail. I come to you to seek comfort and wisdom around an old wound that I
have kept hidden from myself and others for many years.
IM: Yes, my beloved
son, I am present with you and for you. Do you wish to tell me of your wound?
JE: Yes, Holy Mother. I
just do not know how to begin to talk about the wound that seems so well
hidden. It was when I left my Mom in Kenya to go to boarding school.
IM: Son, can you
remember the pain of separation from your Mom?
JE: The closest thing I
can remember to that is during my first Christmas in Haywards Heath, near
Brighton, at the home of Mr. and Mrs. Lane. I went shopping for a Christmas
gift for my Mom. I bought her a necklace from a store like Woolworth’s. It had
a light blue stone. I wrote her a letter and the Lanes sent it to Kenya in the
mail. I don’t remember hearing back from Mom. I do not remember receiving many
letters from home. I felt like I was in a world that they would not have
understood. They could not have known the fear of dogs I had, when I was
staying at the Lanes’. Who could I tell? I was terrorized by the Great Dane and
the black bull dog. I did not know how to relate to pets. We never had pets at
home in Kenya. We were quite poor.
IM: That must have been
very painful in itself, son: to be so very far away, not to be able to talk to
your parents, not to receive much news from home, not to be able to tell anyone
about your fears and probably even your successes.
JE: I guess it was
painful, but I don’t remember those feelings. I did have my cousin at the same
school, so I did have family, but he did not come to the same holiday home as
me that first time.
IM: I am glad you can
remember some of it. Tell me more if it comes to mind. The things you did not
like, because I know you liked a lot of things about being in England.
JE: I didn’t like the
weather and the clothes we had to wear. I did not like sharing a bath tub with
other boys or having a bath in someone else’s water. I did not like being
forced to take cod liver oil at breakfast. I did not like lining up to go to
the loo after breakfast. I did not always like the food, having been brought up
with good home cooking. I did not like not being able to go to Church with my
classmates on Sundays with everyone else. I had to spend Sunday mornings with
Mrs. Brady because she was Catholic and there were no Catholic churches for her
to go to either. I did not like not knowing why I was different.
IM: Yes, these were
even less likable if there was no one you could tell about them. That must have
been difficult, too.
JE: Going back, it’s
hard to feel the pain because there was so much I was grateful for and happy
about. I loved my school.
IM: What about the
other kids? Did they ever feel the pain?
JE: Yes, I remember a
Jamaican boy who cried virtually every night. I did not want to be like him.
Perhaps he was crying for all of us, but I did not want to go to sleep crying
like him. We thought of him as a cry baby.
IM: Yes, he was crying
his real feelings, son. It must have been painful and he was able to express
his pain.
JE: True, I guess I did
not want feel that kind of pain, so I must have shut that part of me down, Holy
Mother.
IM: What did you do
instead, son?
JE: I remember praying
sometimes, Holy Mother, but I really did not know how to pray. I sought
pleasure with other boys: what we would call pleasures of the flesh, Holy
Mother.
IM: Yes, it was easier
to feel pleasure than pain, son. At least you found a way to cope with your
feelings, even if you did not have an understanding of them. Are they just a
blur?
JE: Yes, Holy Mother,
they were just a blur. I ask for your blessing to heal that old wound, Holy
Mother. That is all I can do today. I know you know what the wound looked and
felt like. It would be such a blessing to heal that old wound so I can find my
outcast feminine, Holy Mother.
IM: Yes, son. I send
you holy blessings for a full and complete healing to restore your disowned and
outcast feminine so that you can experience the Divine Feminine within
you.
JE: Thank you, Holy
Mother. I will turn to you again and again. Perhaps I will go to a Mass, from
time to time, to seek your continued holy blessings. Or perhaps you will help
me find the Divine Feminine within my own wisdom tradition, so I may receive
these holy blessings more often.
IM: Son, yes, I send
holy blessings that you retrieve and restore your inner feminine so that you
can heal this wound wherever you turn your heart and soul for divine blessings
from the Divine Feminine.
JE: Thank you, Holy
Mother.
