Quantum One

Another look at the Law of Attraction

2011-04-29T08:16:00.000-07:00

Beloveds:

Interesting video on the Law of Attraction:

http://www.habitofattraction.com/?ref=313

CRISIS AS INITIATION

2010-07-31T15:58:00.000-07:00

As I am in the midst of making some major life decisions, I thought this excerpt from Joan Borysenko's book "Fire in the Soul" might inspire us all to look at our crises as initiations:

"What a difference it would make if a person in the throes of a life crisis were called, as in the Ndembu tongue, a mwadi - an initiate - and then skilfully led to a rebirth. Instead our psychological initiates are often labeled neurotic, psychotic, addictive or character-disordered, labels that create helplessness and low self-esteem. These labels reinforce the fearful story that we are damaged and less than whole, a belief that prevents accessing the First Stories of initiation that the universe provides to help us move out of liminality into rebirth.

Some of the power of twelve-step recovery programs comes from the context in which addiction is placed - the new stories that Bill W. created that echoed the truth of the First Stories. In anonymous programs, addictions are transitions between a life where the person was out of touch with a High Power and one in which the reality of that Power becomes not only the force for recovery but also a renewal of the meaning of life. Addiction as a mwadi experience, for those who are willing to see it in that light, creates a context of excitement, empowerment and even gratitude for the addiction as a conduit to a new, more self-aware and fulfilling role.

Psychological problems and addiction are not the only challenging life-events where context effects outcome. Psychiatrist Victor Frankl, in his moving book Man's Search for Meaning, talks about life in the Nazi death camps during the Holocaust. In those most terrible of times some people succumbed to the inevitable epidemics that swept the camp, dying before the brutality of the Nazis and the fire o the ovens could consume them. Others, those who were able to find some meaning in their suffering, were more likely to hold onto life. Frankl himself survived four death camps before liberation, and it was in those camps that he conceived of logotherapy, a system of psychological growth and healing based on the apprehension of meaning.

Frankl and others like him created ritual out of horror, growth out of destruction, by choosing to believe that there was some transcendent meaning to their suffering. When we set our sights on a higher meaning, we automatically cast ourselves in the role of a dweller at the threshold, an initiate in a Great Story. We are not powerless, trapped or worthless. We are passing through the fire on the way to a purification of sufficient value that our suffering becomes worthwhile when weighed against it. Part of the value of suffering and dwelling at the threshold is that it initiates or intensifies the search for what is most sacred, for only in placing our minds on the promise of that sacredness can we emerge from the liminal period not only intact but healed.

The late American psychologist Abraham Maslow spoke of the deep need to find in our lives not only personal meaning, but transpersonal or spiritual meaning. A need is like a biological drive, an instinct. It's part of the genes, part of the racial memories that form the collective unconscious that all people share. When a biological drive is thwarted the organism suffers in some way. The particular kind of suffering that accompanies a thwarted drive for transpersonal meaning is a feeling of emptiness, of meaninglessness about life that can progress to depression if the need is not attended to." (1993, pp. 57-58)

~Excerpted from "Fire in the Soul - A New Psychology of Spiritual Optimism" by Joan Borysenko, Ph.D

Musicophilia

2010-06-05T15:31:00.000-07:00

Oliver Sacks, the renowned neurologist, was on NOVA's program "Musical Minds" today talking about the impact of music on the brain. He writes about some of his research in his book "Musicophilia":

"A Bolt from the Blue:
Sudden Musicophilia

Tony Cicoria was forty two, very fit and robust, a former college football player who had become a well-regarded orthopedic surgeon in a small city in upstate New York. He was at a lakeside pavilion for a family gathering one fall afternoon. It was pleasant and breezy, but he noticed a few storm clouds in the distance; it looked like rain.

He went to a pay phone outside the pavilion to make a quick call to his mother (this was in 1994, before the age of cell phones). He still remembers every single second of what happened next: "I was talking to my mother on the phone. There was a little bit of rain, thunder in the distance. My mother hung up. The phone was a foot away from where I was standing when I got struck. I remember a flash of light coming out of the phone. It hit me in the face. Next thing I remember, I was flying backwards."

Then - he seemed to hesitate before telling me this - "I was flying forwards. Bewildered, I looked around. I saw my own body on the ground. I said to myself, 'Oh shit, I'm dead.' I saw people converging on the body. I saw a woman - she had been standing waiting to use the phone right behind me - position herself over my body, give it CPR...I floated up the stairs - my consciousness came with me. I saw my kids, had the realization that they would be okay. Then I was surrounded by a bluish-white light....an enormous feeling of well-being and peace. The highest and lowest points of my life raced by me. No emotion associated with these...pure thought, pure ecstasy. I had the percveption of accelerating, being drawn up...there was speed and direction. Then, as I was saying to myself, 'This is the most glorious feeling I have ever had' - SLAM! I was back."

Dr. Cicoria knew he was back in his own body because he had pain - pain from the burns on his face and his left foot, where the electrical charge had entered and exited his body - and , he realized, "only bodies have pain." He wanted to go back, he wanted to tell the woman to stop giving him CPR, to let him go; but it was too late - he was firmly back among the living. After a minute or two, when he could speak, he said, "It's okay - I'm a doctor!" The woman (she turned out to be an intensive-care-unit nurse) replied," A few minutes ago, you weren't."

The police came and wanted to call and ambulance, but Cicoria refused, delirious. They took him home instead ("it seemed to take hours"), where he called his own doctor, a cardiologist. The cardiologist, when he saw him, thought Cicoria must have had a brief cardiac arrest, but could find nothing amiss with examination or EKG. "With these things, you're alive or dead," the cardiologist remarked. He did not feel that Dr. Cicoria would suffer any further consequences of this bizarre accident.

Cicoria also consulted a neurologist - he was feeling sluggish (most unusual for him) and having some difficulties with his memory. He found himself forgetting the names of people he knew well. He was examined neurologically, had an EEG and an MRI. Again, nothing seemed amiss.

A couple of weeks later, when his energy returned, Dr. Cicoria went back to work. There were still some lingering memory problems - he occasionally forgot the names of rare diseases or surgical procedures - but all his surgical skills were unimpaired. In another two weeks, his memory problems disappeared, and that, he thought, was the end of the matter.

What then happened still fills Cicoria with amazement, even now, a dozen years later. Life had returned to normal, seemingly, when "suddenly, over two or three days, there was this insatiable desire to listen to piano music." This was completely out of keeping with anything in the past. He had had a few piano lessons as a boy, he said, "but no real interest." He did not have a piano in his house. What music he did listen to tended to be rock music.

With this sudden onset of craving for piano music, he began to buy recordings and became especially enamored of a Vladimir Ashkenazy recording of Chopin favorites - The Military Polonaise, the Winter Wind Etude, the Black Key Etude, the A-flat Polonaise, the B-flat Minor Scherzo. "I loved them all," Cicoria said. "I had the desire to play them. I ordered all the sheet music. At this point, one of our babysitters asked if she could store her piano in our house - so now, just when I craved one, a piano arrived, a nice little upright. It suited me fine. I could hardly read the music, could barely play, but I started to teach myself." It had been more than thirty years since the few piano lessons of his boyhood, and his fingers seemed stiff and awkward.

And then, on the heels of this sudden desire for piano music, Cicoria started to hear music in his head. "The first time," he said, "it was in a dream. I was in a tux, onstage; I was playing something I had written. I woke up, startled, and the music was still in my head. I jumped out of bed, started trying to write down as much as I could remember. But I hardly knew how to notate what I heard." This was not too successful - he had never tried to write or notate music before. But whenever he sat down at the piano to work on the Chopin, his own music "would come and take me over. It had a very powerful presence."

I was not quite sure what to make of this peremptory music which would intrude almost irresistibly and overwhelm him. Was he having musical hallucinations? No, Dr. Cicoria said, they were not hallucinations - "inspiration" was a more apt word. The music was there, deep inside him - or somewhere - and all he had to do was let it come to him. "Its like a frequency, a radio band. If I open myself up, it comes. I want to say, 'It comes from heaven,' as Mozart said."

Now he had to wrestle not just with learning to play the Chopin, but to give form to the music continually running in his head, to try it on the piano, to get it on manuscript paper. "it was a terrible struggle," he said. "I would get up at four in the morning and play till I went to work, and when I got home from work I was at the piano all evening. My wife was not really pleased. I was possessed."

~ Excerpted from "Musicophilia - Tales of Music and the Brain" by Oliver Sacks.

Why should I listen to Simon Sinek?

2010-05-09T17:47:00.000-07:00

Why you should listen to him: With an undergraduate degree in anthropology, most of Simon Sinek’s career has been spent in advertising. Although he began law school in London, he shortly left the program, moving to New York where he joined Euro RSCG, with a stint at Ogilvy & Mather, working on accounts for Oppenheimer Funds, MCI, NASDAQ and DISH Network. In 2002, he started his own company, Sinek Partners. His book, Start With Why, outlines the basis of his current work in leadership consulting.

Sinek also contributes to several efforts in the non-profit sphere: He works with Count Me In, an organization created to help one million women-run businesses reach a million dollars in revenue by 2012, and serves on the Board of Directors for Danspace Project, which advances art and dance. He writes and comments regularly for several major publications and teaches a graduate-level class in strategic communications at Columbia University.

"As an ethnographer, we are in search of why but we actually ask what."
Simon Sinek

Aging is just a state of mind!

2010-04-03T18:41:00.000-07:00

Oldest still performing showgirl-Dorothy Dale Kloss sets world record

PALM SPRINGS, CA, USA -- Dorothy Dale Kloss, an 85-year-old sensation of youth and energy is continuing a dance career that began decades ago, in the 1930s-stting the world record for the Oldest still performing showgirl.

She began dancing when she was three years old. As a precocious Chicago teenager, she taught a young Bob Fosse how to tap dance, won a tap contest herself at the renowned Miss Abbott’s Dance School and catapulted to stardom at the age of 15 with her own act in the Empire Room of the Palmer House.

She performed with the famed Eddy Duchin orchestra until his band members were drafted during World War II and then danced for the USO. Touring the United States and Mexico, she was on stage at various times with Liberace, the Mills Brothers, Mel Torme, Cantinflas, Howard Keel, Kay Starr, Frankie Laine and Chico Marx and was accompanied in her routines by such noted big bands as those of Ray Noble, Skinnay Ennis, Les Brown and Shep Fields (and his Rippling Rhythm).

In 1946, Dorothy became the hostess and dance instructress on television for Chicago’s WBKB and did the first tap numbers on the little screen.

She still does tap solos in her 14th season with the Fabulous Follies. Doting Dorothy has an admiring son and two granddaughters.
What is your favorite Route 66 recollection? “Driving with my mom, dad and two brothers on the historic road from Chicago to St. Louis, singing from a song sheet.”

MORE FUN FACTS:
* She was paid $35 for the first week of the Empire Room gig and still has the canceled check. She used the money to buy a dress for her mother, who created her costumes.
* Miss Abbott, who booked her, changed her name to Dorothy Dale (from Hunn).
* She isn’t shy about what inspired her to audition at 70 for the Follies. “Money, success and fame,” she says and adds with a laugh, “Two out of three ain’t bad.”
* And she doesn’t worry about her feet and body aching after a performance. “I soak them,” she quips mischievously, “in vodka.”
* On a serious note, the most challenging experience of her life was being diagnosed with colon cancer two decades ago and making a full recovery after surgery. “I just never thought about it,” she says. “I just changed my thinking and my eating habits.”
* Personable Dorothy has also put on shows for the Los Angeles Chamber of Commerce and was director of guest services for the Queen Mary in Long Beach.

The Law of Attraction on Valentine's Day!

2010-02-14T22:52:00.000-08:00

Beloveds:

There must be a reason why I have resisted Abraham's Teachings on the Law of Attraction as translated by the vibrations received by Esther and Jerry Hicks.
It seemed too easy to accept, even somewhat fluffy, and yet I resisted these teachings for their simplicity. I have been preoccupied by chaos theory or complexity theory, so clearly I have attracted chaos and complexity into my life!

So, perhaps we can just open a little to these teachings and see where they take us.
Here's a taste:

"The Law of Attraction and its magnetic power reaches out into the Universe and attracts other thoughts that are vibrationally like it...and brings that to you: Your attention to subjects, your activation of thoughts, an the Law of Attraction's response to those thoughts is responsible for every person, every event, and every circumstance that comes into your experience. All of these things are brought into your experience through a sort of powerful magnetic funnel as they are vibrational matches to your own thoughts.

You get the essence of what are thinking about, whether it is something you want or something you do not want. That may be unsettling to you at first, but in time, it is our expectation that you will come to appreciate the fairness, the consistency, and the absoluteness of this powerful Law of Attraction. Once you understand this law and begin to pay attention to what you are giving your attention to, you will regain control of your own life experience. And with that control you will again remember that there is nothing that you desire that you cannot achieve, and there is nothing that you do not want that you cannot release from your experience.

Understanding the Law of Attraction and recognizing the absolute correlation between what you have been thinking and feeling - and what is manifesting in your life experience - will cause you to be more aware of the stimulation of your own thoughts. You will begin to notice that your own thoughts may be stimulated from something you read or watch on television or hear or observe from someone else's experience. And once you see the effect that the Law of Attraction has upon these thoughts that begin small and grow larger and more powerful with your attention to them, you will feel a desire within you to begin to direct your thoughts to more of the things that you do want to experience. For whatever you are pondering, and no matter what the source of stimulation of that thought...as you ponder that thought, the Law of Attraction goes to work to offer you other thoughts, conversations, and experiences that are of a similar nature." (2006, pp. 32-33).

~ Excerpted from "The Law of Attraction - The Basics of the Teachings of Abraham" by Esther and Jerry Hicks.

Coaching for Health

2010-01-01T18:23:00.000-08:00

Beloveds:

Having been proactive about my chest pains on this past Xmas Day by going to the ER at Santa Barbara Cottage Hospital and enduring the 5 hours of tests, I know a little something about coaching for Health. The chest pains were on a two to three on a scale of 1 to 10 and I was packed and ready to drive to Redondo Beach to spend the weekend with my sister. The fact that I made my health decision the priority and drove to the urgent care clinic and then the ER speaks well of my sense of values and personal responsibility. Health has to be our NUMBER ONE priority.

Of course, I did not think this was a heart problem. It felt like an esophageal constriction of some kind. But the hospital has to rule out any concerns about the heart, when it comes to chest pains. The conclusion was that I had some gastro-intestinal complications.

I still made it to Redondo Beach and spent time with my sister (another smart decision) because then the GI symptoms flared up and I really needed some special attention. We needed to look at the quality (bland), quantity (light) and frequency of meals. The other major decision was to not return to work until I was stable.

The next step was a follow up with my primary physician as soon as he was available. I remembered to give him the fullest history including concerns about the occasional constrictions in my esophageal area. He decided to order the gold standard in tests: an endoscopy and an ultra-sound of my abdominal area, both tests in the New Year.
He was actually very surprised that I had lost the weight he had asked me to lose.
I think a collaborative relationship with our MD is essential to our treatment. I was honest, open and willing to following his recommendations during my annual physical and clearly an MD likes to know that his/her patient is taking appropriate and timely therapeutic action.

Yes. I decided to use my PTO (personal time off) to focus on my heath and treatment.
I have been reading, resting, watching cable, calling friends, blogging and social networking - all necessary for my healing and self-care. Not to mention being creative with my diet!! And giving my body the rest it craves as well as the exercise it needs!

Of course, as a depth psychologist, I can hardly leave at it that because I know this all has a deeper meaning. In consulting Caroline Myss's "Why People Don't Heal and How They Can" it is clear that these gastro-intestinal symptoms are related to the Third Chakra:

"Within the Hebrew Tradition, the third energy center contains two forces intensely vital to our spirits - Hod, representing integrity and majesty; and Nezah, symbolic of the capacity to endure. In the Hindu tradition, this energy is presented as Manipura, meaning the "city of the shining jewel," and in the Christian tradition, it relates to the sacrament of Confirmation. All of these descriptions refer to the same essential spiritual powers: self-esteem, self-respect, and integrity.

Respect for ourselves is necessary to healing. A lack of self-respect, or a dishonorable character, is itself an illness. when we lack the fundamental spiritual qualities of endurance, integrity, honor and self-esteem, healing the physical body becomes a double challenge.

You can easily sense when you are entering the shadow side of the third chakra: it manifests as shame, inadequacy, self-consciousness, and fear of others. Negative feelings drain the energy you need to heal. Reflection on what undermines your endurance and integrity, on where your energy leaks occur. Integrity is not solely the manner in which you conduct yourself with others. Think of it as the manner in which you conduct yourself with yourself. Can you make a commitment to yourself and keep it with integrity? Can you promise yourself to change your personal behavioral patterns (a discipline associated with the third chakra) and then keep that promise?
To build endurance, can you commit to a shift of lifestyle and withstand the discomfort of walking that new path? Can you look at yourself and feel proud of your own honor code.

While all the chakras play a vital role in your healing, the third chakra contains the energy of endurance - the power to endure the journey. The commitment to yourself to go the distance can be considered the backbone of your healing challenge.

Your commitment to yourself gives you the capacity to endure what may seem psychologically, emotionally and physically beyond your limits. As a matter of spiritual honor and self-respect, your commitment to heal reflects your regard for the sanctity of your own life. Maintaining this commitment - day by day and hour by hour, actively and passively, in your dreams and in your thoughts - generates an intensity of self-esteem and self-awareness. " (1997, pp. 199-200).

Happy New Year!

Marking two huge milestones!!!

2009-12-02T20:03:00.001-08:00

Beloveds:

The good news is that

1. I have not eaten any chocolate for 180 days! and
2. I passed the standard written MFT (marriage and family therapy) exam by using all
of the skills I have learned as a life coach.

Yes, I was fully prepared, present mindful and confident,
clear, coherent and confident but...

I had also prepared physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually for this exam.
I can share with you without any hesitation that the spiritual support I received
took me over the finish line.

Here's what happened:

I enrolled in the appropriate test prep workshop and took them four times.
I spent weekends taking the online practice tests and a mock exam.
I listened to all the CDs on the exam content.
I studied the prep workbook to review all of the content.

On the day of the exam, I spent a glorious morning walking and
running on the beach after spending the Thanksgiving four day weekend studying.
I spent another hour and a half doing a quick review before lunch. Then I drove to the test site.

On entering the test room and getting myself situated, I took a few minutes to invoke the Light and the Grace of the One, and started the test.

Sixty minutes into the four hour test, I was already 13-15 questions behind because I was perseverating over getting the right answers....So, that meant that I spent the next two hours trying to catch up. In the final hour, I was still the same number of questions behind and I did not know how I was going to pass the exam since I didn't think I was going to complete the exam in time. I did not have time to take a break or a breather even though the workshop instructor had recommended that we do this several times to fight fatigue and the loss of concentration.

In my case, I was fighting the clock and decided I had to speed read by just getting the gist of the questions - not to get the answers right but - to complete the exam in order to improve my chances of passing.

It was in the final hour that many in my spiritual circles sent out spiritual support and somehow, quite miraculously, I was able to complete the exam by answering
the last question in the last minute!

I am providing this level of detail to highlight the need we all have for spiritual support and succor. I am grateful to all those who were holding me in the light.

I still have one more exam to write before I achieve my dream of being licensed as a psychotherapist!

Love, light and shadow,
Jalaledin

Affirmations to banish doubt!

2009-10-21T11:02:00.000-07:00

I am preparing for my Marriage and Family Therapy state licensing exams and, like a lot of people, I keep experiencing self-doubt based on my present performance on the online practice tests.

Wayne Dyer, in his book, "The Power of Intention" says that it is important to:

"Banish Doubt. When doubt is banished, abundance flourishes and anything is possible. We all tend to use our thoughts to create the world we choose. If you doubt your ability to create the life you intend, then you're refusing the power of intention. Even when nothing seems to indicate that you're accomplishing what you desire in your life, refuse to entertain doubt. Remember,the trolley strap of intention is waiting for you to float up and be carried along.

Shakespeare declared, "Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt." And Ramana Maharshi observed, "Doubts arise because of an absence of surrender."

You may well choose to doubt what others say to you or what you experience with your senses, but banish doubt when it comes to knowing that a universal force of intention designed you and got you here! Don't doubt your creation from a field of energy that's always available to you." (2004, pp. 33-34)

In my view, denying our doubts is easier said than done because we do hear voices from our different sub-personalities which attempt to self-sabotage our intentions. My own strategy is to develop a heart statement or an affirmation that replaces negative self-talk with positive self-talk and self-motivation. Here's my affirmation around my state licensing exams:

"By being fully prepared, present and mindful,
clear, coherent and confident,
It is my purposeful intention
to successfully pass my MFT exams
For the highest good of all concerned!"

"Screw it, Let's do it!"

2009-09-26T17:52:00.000-07:00

Having just had the pleasure in early September of experiencing Virgin Atlantic's services from Los Angeles to London and back, I was curious to know how the founder of Virgin Airways went from being a music record producer to the owner of an airline and a knighthood. Here's the Virgin Airways story from the horse's mouth, Sir Richard Branson:

"I had spent all our cash on signing up bands in Jamaica. But I had heard that if you were looking for a house on an island, you would get a grand tour, free of charge. I phoned an estate agent in the British Virgin Islands. I said I owned a record company and wanted to buy an island to build a studio on it.

'Please come as our guests. We have lots of lovely islands for sale. We'll show you around.'

Joan and I flew to the British Virgin Islands. We were treated like royalty. A big car met us at the airport and took us to a villa. It was like being in paradise. The next day a helicopter was waiting to take us on a tour. We skimmed over green palm trees and a blue sea. We landed on one lovely island after the other. We toured fantastic private estates and had a great time. We spun our free holiday out as long as we could, but at last we were running out of islands for sale.

We asked the agent if he had something that we hadn't seen.

'Yes, there's one, a real little jewel,' he said.

'It's miles from anywhere and it's quite unspoiled. Its name is Necker.' He said an English lord owned it, a man who had never been there.

An island that was miles from anywhere sounded good on two counts. The first was it was a nice long flight with plenty of scenery for us to enjoy. The second was we really did like the sound of it. Unspoiled meant that it had not been built on. Perhaps it would be cheap.

At fist island hopping was a game. We didn't mean to buy an island. I didn't think I could afford one. But now I was excited. I wanted to own our own place in paradise. I had another goal.

We flew over a blue sea and could see pale sand at the bottom. We landed on a white sandy beach. There was a green hill in the middle and we climbed it. The view from the top was worth the effort. We could see in every direction. The island was inside a coral reef. The white beach ran almost all the way around. The agent told us that turtles laid their eggs on the beach. The sea was so clear we could see a giant ray swimming along. In the middle of the island were two small lakes. There was a lush tropical forest. A flock of black parrots flew overhead. There were no big villas. It was a real desert island. Standing there, gazing out to sea, I was king of all I saw. I fell in love with Necker on the spot.

The agent warned us that there was no fresh water on the island. If we bought it, we would have to make it from the sea.

'Good,' I thought. 'They can't be asking a lot for a desert island with no water and no house.'

I asked him the price.

'Three million pounds,' he said.

It was far beyond my reach. 'I can offer 150,000 pounds,' I replied.

I was offering less than five per cent of the asking price! I was serious but the agent wasn't amused. 'The price is three million pounds,' he repeated.

'Final offer. I can go to 200,000 pounds,' I said.

We walked back down that hill and got into the helicopter. We flew back to the villa. Our bags were waiting outside. We had been thrown out. We spent the night in a bed and breakfast in the village and left the next day.

We spent the rest of our holiday on another island. Our plan was to travel on to Puerto Rico - but when we got to the airport, the flight was cancelled. No one was doing anything. So I did - someone had to. I chartered a plane for $ 2,000. I divided that by the number of people. It came to $ 39 a head. I borrowed a black board and wrote on it: VIRGIN AIRWAYS. $ 39 SINGLE FLIGHT TO PUERTO RICO.

The idea for Virgin Airways was born, right in the middle of a holiday, although the actual airline only properly took off when I was sent a business idea." ( 2006, pp.16-20).

~ Excerpted from "Screw it, Let's Do it - Lessons in Life" by Richard Branson.

Take a page from President Obama

2009-09-12T09:36:00.000-07:00

"But the truth is, being successful is hard. You won't love every subject you study. You won't click with every teacher. Not every homework assignment will seem completely relevant to your life right this minute. And you won't necessarily succeed at everything the first time you try.

That's OK. Some of the most successful people in the world are the ones who've had the most failures. JK Rowling's first Harry Potter book was rejected twelve times before it was finally published. Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team, and he lost hundreds of games and missed thousands of shots during his career. But he once said, "I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."

These people succeeded because they understand that you can't let your failures define you — you have to let them teach you. You have to let them show you what to do differently next time. If you get in trouble, that doesn't mean you're a troublemaker, it means you need to try harder to behave. If you get a bad grade, that doesn't mean you're stupid, it just means you need to spend more time studying.

No one's born being good at things, you become good at things through hard work. You're not a varsity athlete the first time you play a new sport. You don't hit every note the first time you sing a song. You've got to practice. It's the same with your schoolwork. You might have to do a math problem a few times before you get it right, or read something a few times before you understand it, or do a few drafts of a paper before it's good enough to hand in.

Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. I do that every day. Asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. It shows you have the courage to admit when you don't know something, and to learn something new. So find an adult you trust — a parent, grandparent or teacher; a coach or counselor — and ask them to help you stay on track to meet your goals.

And even when you're struggling, even when you're discouraged, and you feel like other people have given up on you — don't ever give up on yourself. Because when you give up on yourself, you give up on your country."

~ Excerpted from President Obama's speech to the students of the USA.

90 Days without chocolate!

2009-08-30T22:43:00.000-07:00

Beloveds:

Its been just over 90 days - and with the exception of one weak moment 2 weeks ago -I have not had a taste of chocolate! What I discovered on this fast is that I can live without chocolate but more importantly, I discovered that there are two very sly allies to chocolate: Caffeine and Sugar. I stopped drinking coffee years ago in 1985 when I had to quit using nicotine because caffeine was the twin enemy with nicotine.

Incidentally, that weak moment was a moment of complete disassociation! I saw this piece of chocolate cake being served to all of us who were celebrating the end of the three years of course work in the doctoral program, and I caught myself just after taking the first bite! I was playing Gotcha with myself!

Now I am finding out that my addiction to chocolate was as much a way of getting a caffeine fix as it is a way of getting a sugar fix! Its amazing how many things contain chocolate: cookies, cakes, donuts, ice cream, etc. As a result of letting go of chocolate, I lost 6 pounds in ninety days! But most of that loss probably has to do with not eating all these other products with high sugar and fat content!

The other regime I have started is to intensify my exercise regime. I was walking 30 minutes a day to which I added a routine of Qigong. That may have helped to get my circulation going and my breathing deeper, but it did not help to lose any weight. Now I have added walking up the steps at the Santa Barbara City College Stadium and a lap on the SBCC track! So, my exercise regime is a little more rigorous.

My intention is to lose another 6 pounds in the next three months, by which time I should be at an age appropriate and height appropriate weight!

Stay tuned!
Love, light and shadow,
Jalaledin

A Life Coach Examines Michael Jackson’s Legacy

2009-07-04T12:54:00.000-07:00

A Star has flashed across our collective inner sky. A genius has left an enduring legacy. He was bigger than life. He was a giant in the entertainment field. He wowed us with his music and his moves. So what is the relevance of Michael Jackson to our lives?

The first thing that comes to mind is the early childhood discovery of a huge talent for music. Jackson was clearly a gifted entertainer who wasted no time in perfecting his artistry. From the perspective of a life coach, it is a huge blessing in life to become aware of our calling. That Michael Jackson did this so early in life set him on a clear path. He was precocious in his art beyond his years. Many have remarked how he sang as if he had years of experience behind him. Of the seven intelligences in Howard Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences, Michael had access to two unique intelligences: a musical intelligence which contains the capacity to produce and appreciate rhythm and forms of musical expression, and a bodily-kinesthetic intelligence which demonstrates an ability to control one’s body movements. One might even argue that Michael accessed a third intelligence: a linguistic intelligence which demonstrates a sensitivity to the sounds, rhythms and meaning of words But with this success came some serious problems: a loss of balance – loss of childhood, a stunted education and conflicts with his father, resulting in early parent-child relational issues. These can have a devastating affect on one’s psychology.

From a psychological perspective, Michael had to respond to his childhood trauma of physical and emotional abuse and also to the condition of body dysmorphic disorder. In addition, the loss of a normal childhood was irreparable even though Michael tried so hard to make up for this by entertaining underprivileged and disabled children and their families at his Neverland ranch.

Childhood trauma, intentional or accidental, can result in long term psychological and even physiological disorders. Depending on when in childhood such trauma may have occurred, one can anticipate a loss of self-esteem. If Michael was emotionally abused during what Erik Erikson would identify in his model of human development as the psychosocial stage of the latency years (age 6-11), he did not have an opportunity to develop self-esteem through normal peer interactions, since he did not have the benefit of a normal childhood. In the latency years, an individual needs to resolve the conflict between “industry” and “inferiority” before one progresses to the next stage of human development in the life span. His multitude of adoring fans clearly could not make up for the need for normal emotional and psychological development, which is why Michael was so fixated on his childhood issues.

Body Dysmorphic Disorder historically known as dysmorphophobia is a preoccupation with a perceived defect in appearance and can cause severe psychological distress. Whether this was as a result of the 1986 diagnosis of vitiligo, which is an auto-immune disease that causes a loss of pigmentation, or whether vitiligo was concurrent with his body dysmorphic disorder is unclear. Nevertheless, that Michael was able to avoid social isolation which is a typical response to this condition speaks to his strength and courage to treat it and overcome it, in his own unique way. Individuals with this disorder often pursue and receive general medical, dermatological or surgical treatments to rectify their imagined defects. To his credit, Michael found a way to make this a part of his mythic persona.

The life of a celebrity often reveals an inner wasteland because one spends so much time pleasing the fans and getting stroked by an adoring public. This too can lead to a huge imbalance, even though the positive projections from his fans may have compensated a little for his own experience of self-loathing as reported by his long-time friend, Dr. Deepak Chopra. Chopra also revealed that Michael was suffering from Lupus, an auto-immune disease, although there is one report that suggests he was in remission from this.

This level of deprivation of a cultivated inner life can often lead to depression and a “loss of soul.” Surprisingly, Michael was able to compensate for this to some extent because he was clearly receptive to inner promptings in the creation and expression of his music and dance. His best-selling album “Thriller” may have been the outcome of Michael’s capacity to touch and connect with his shadow side. On the other hand, it is also possible that Michael’s emotional development was arrested in his “genital” psycho-social stage, which runs from adolescence to adulthood. During the genital psychosocial stage, an individual works towards resolution of the conflicts between identity and identity diffusion in adolescence, between intimacy and isolation in young adulthood, and between generativity and self-absorption in adulthood. This perhaps explains his less subtle sexually suggestive moves on stage and his complete lack of personal boundaries with children, especially when he dangled his son from the balcony of a hotel room. The final concert series indicates that Michael was moving into the generativity psycho-social stage of his life.

It does not appear that Michael was able to fully overcome his deeper depressive symptoms because he had to treat some of his somatic symptoms with prescription medications to which he became addicted. Michael had been admitted into various programs for chemical dependence and one wonders whether there was ever a serious consideration to receive consistent psychotherapy for his psychological and emotional well-being. Yet, despite this constant struggle with his inner demons, he was able to engage his world-wide public by bringing joy, ecstasy and a sense of human connection that transcended race, culture and ethnicity.

His lyrics evolved from expressions of romantic love (“I’ll be there”) to self-transformation (“Man in the Mirror”) to the unity of humankind (“We are the world”). Deepak Chopra revealed that the music for his final concert tour included environmental themes. So, clearly, despite his many personal trials and tribulations, psychological, legal and financial challenges, Michael was able to give the absolute very best of himself as the King of Pop, and possibly even as a father. He left an indelible impression on the lives of millions of people through his chosen vocation, creative self-expression and re-invention. One might go so far as to say that he achieved a remarkable degree of self-actualization. That is his greatest legacy.

The Other Side of Chocolate!

2009-05-31T09:41:00.000-07:00

On May 28, 2009, I turned sixty. In addition to dealing with the recent onset of andropause, I set an intention to stop eating chocolate on May 29! Chocolate - that wonderful after lunch and dinner "pick-me-up", that delicious break between tasks; chocolate - that chip that generously spikes my mint chip ice cream and enlivens my chocolate chip cookies.

I chose to ritualize this decision by having a final birthday treat (thank you sooo much to my co-conspirator, Honoree, nee Ms. Nancy Evelyn Hinman) - chocolate dessert at the 5 star Miro restaurant at the Baccara Spa and Resort in Goleta, California. It was important to go out in style! Farewell to all my special friends: Cadbury's, See's, Toblerone, Godiva, Giriardelli, Lindt, Paul Newman's and all the tempting chocolate treats from Trader Joe's! These were all important relationships and I want to express my gratitude and appreciation for all of the years that you have all been there for me! I promise to nod my respects to you when I next see you at the check out counter!

Why, you may ask, did I choose to let go of this delectable aphrodisiac at this time in my life?
The answer resides not only in the results of my annual physical check up but also in my decision to look at my compulsive consumption of chocolate. Yes, I have been an avowed chocoholic for years! It has helped me to deal with over-stimulation, emotional arousal and transitional moments which I had so unconsciously ritualized.

It is my intention to write about this process of releasing myself from this charming compulsion as a Life Coach so that others can do the same with their own special compulsions if they so choose.

My preferred strategy to quit chocolate is the same way I quit caffeine (for the most part), nicotine, alcohol and other substances: Cold Turkey!

Today, Sunday, I will be removing from the refrigerator the tasty chocolate sauce that I love to dash over my coconut ice cream! Tomorrow I will donate the rest of my chocolate treats to the office! Wit the loss of this seductive coping skill, I am going to be experimenting with mints, honey-sesame almonds, fresh fruit, dried fruit and other delectables - as a first step!

I am not sure there is a Chocoholic Anonymous chapter in Santa Barbara - but if not - I could always start one!

I am holding the vision for myself to let go of all of my compulsions and to experience a peak level of physical and emotional well-being as I navigae my sixties!

I look forward to keep you all informed of my progress and what happens when we disempower our compulsions - on the other side of chocolate!

Love, light and shadow,
Jalaledin

They had it made!

2009-05-13T11:24:00.001-07:00

This is an article by David Brooks that caught my attention today!

"In the late 1930s, a group of 268 promising young men, including John F. Kennedy and Ben Bradlee, entered Harvard College. By any normal measure, they had it made. They tended to be bright, polished, affluent and ambitious. They had the benefit of the world’s most prestigious university. They had been selected even from among Harvard students as the most well adjusted.

And yet the categories of journalism and the stereotypes of normal conversation are paltry when it comes to predicting a life course. Their lives played out in ways that would defy any imagination save Dostoyevsky’s. A third of the men would suffer at least one bout of mental illness. Alcoholism would be a running plague. The most mundane personalities often produced the most solid success. One man couldn’t admit to himself that he was gay until he was in his late 70s.

The men were the subject of one of the century’s most fascinating longitudinal studies. They were selected when they were sophomores, and they have been probed, poked and measured ever since. Researchers visited their homes and investigated everything from early bed-wetting episodes to their body dimensions.

The results from the study, known as the Grant Study, have surfaced periodically in the years since. But they’ve never been so brilliantly captured as they are in an essay called “What Makes Us Happy?” by Joshua Wolf Shenk in the forthcoming issue of The Atlantic. (The essay is available online today.)

The life stories are more vivid than any theory one could concoct to explain them. One man seemed particularly gifted. He grew up in a large brownstone, the son of a rich doctor and an artistic mother. “Perhaps more than any other boy who has been in the Grant Study,” a researcher wrote while he was in college, “the following participant exemplifies the qualities of a superior personality: stability, intelligence, good judgment, health, high purpose, and ideals.”
By 31, he had developed hostile feelings toward his parents and the world. By his mid-30s, he had dropped off the study’s radar. Interviews with his friends after his early death revealed a life spent wandering, dating a potentially psychotic girlfriend, smoking a lot of dope and telling hilarious stories.

Another man was the jester of the group, possessing in college a “bubbling, effervescent personality.” He got married, did odd jobs, then went into public relations and had three kids.
He got divorced, married again, ran off with a mistress who then left him. He drank more and more heavily. He grew depressed but then came out of the closet and became a major figure in the gay rights movement. He continued drinking, though, convinced he was squeezing the most out of life. He died at age 64 when he fell down the stairs in his apartment building while drunk.
The study had produced a stream of suggestive correlations. The men were able to cope with problems better as they aged. The ones who suffered from depression by 50 were much more likely to die by 63. The men with close relationships with their siblings were much healthier in old age than those without them.

But it’s the baffling variety of their lives that strikes one the most. It is as if we all contain a multitude of characters and patterns of behavior, and these characters and patterns are bidden by cues we don’t even hear. They take center stage in consciousness and decision-making in ways we can’t even fathom. The man who is careful and meticulous in one stage of life is unrecognizable in another context.

Shenk’s treatment is superb because he weaves in the life of George Vaillant, the man who for 42 years has overseen this work. Vaillant’s overall conclusion is familiar and profound. Relationships are the key to happiness. “Happiness is love. Full Stop,” he says in a video.
In his professional life, he has lived out that creed. He has been an admired and beloved colleague and mentor. But the story is more problematic at home. When he was 10, his father, an apparently happy and accomplished man, went out by the pool of the Main Line home and shot himself. His mother shrouded the episode. They never attended a memorial service nor saw the house again.

He has been through three marriages and returned to his second wife. His children tell Shenk of a “civil war” at home and describe long periods when they wouldn’t speak to him. His oldest friend says he has a problem with intimacy.

Even when we know something, it is hard to make it so. Reading this essay, I had the same sense I had while reading Christopher Buckley’s description of his parents in The Times Magazine not long ago. There is a complexity to human affairs before which science and analysis simply stands mute. "

Heaven and Hell

2009-04-12T10:33:00.000-07:00

The information on Heaven and Hell provided by Elizabeth Gilbert's Balinese Medicine Man is intriguing and instructive. Here's what she says in her book "Eat, Pray, Love":

"At the moment, the person I'm enjoying the most is Ketut. The old man - truly one of the happiest humans I've ever encountered - is giving me his full access, the freedom to ask any lingering questions about divinity, about human nature. I like the meditations he has taught me, the comic simplicity of "smile in your liver" and the reassuring presence of the four spirit brothers. The other day the medicine man told me that he knows sixteen different meditation techniques, and many mantras for all different purposes. Some of them are to bring peace or happiness, some of them are for health, but some of them are purely mystical - to transport him into other realms of consciousness. For instance, he said, he knows one meditation that takes him "to up."

"To up?" I asked. "What is to up?"
"To seven levels up," he said. "To heaven."

Hearing the familiar idea of "seven levels," I asked him if he meant that his meditation took him up through the seven sacred chakras of the body, which are discussed in Yoga.

"Not chakras," he said. "places. This meditation takes me seven places in universe. Up and up. Last place I go is heaven."

I asked, "Have you been to heaven, Ketut?"
He smiled. Of course he had been there, he said. Easy to go to heaven.

"What is it like?"

"Beautiful. Everything beautiful is there. Every person beautiful is there. Everything beautiful to eat is there. Everything is love there. Heaven is love."

Then Ketut said he knows another meditation. "To down." This down meditation takes him seven levels below the world. This is a more dangerous meditation. Not for beginning people, only for a master.

I asked, "So if you go to heaven in the first meditation, then, in the second meditation you must go down to...?"

"Hell," he finished the statement.

This was interesting. Heaven and hell aren't ideas I've heard discussed very much in Hinduism. Hindus see the universe in terms of karma, a process of constant circulation, which is to say that you don't really "end up" anywhere at the end of your life - not in heaven or hell - but just get recycled back to earth again in another form, in order to resolve whatever relationships or mistakes you left uncompleted last time. When you finally achieve perfection, you graduate out of the cycle entirely and melt into The Void. The notion of karma implies that heaven and hell are only to be found here on earth, where we have the capacity to create them, manufacturing either goodness or evil depending on our destinies and our characters.

Karma is a notion I've always liked. Not so much literally. Not necessarily because I believe that I used to be Cleopatra's bartender - but more metaphorically. The karmic philosophy appeals to me on a metaphorical level because even in one's lifetime its obvious how often we must repeat our same mistakes, banging our heads against the same old addictions and compulsions, generating the same old miserable and often catastrophic consequences, until we can finally stop and fix it. This is the supreme lesson of karma (and also of Western psychology, by the way) - take care of the problems now, or else you'll just have to suffer again later when you screw everything up the next time. And that repetition of suffering - that's hell. Moving out of that endless repetition to a new level of understanding - there's where you'll find heaven.

But here Ketut was talking about heaven and hell in a different way, as if they are real places in the universe which he has actually visited. At least I think that's what he meant.

Trying to get clear on this, I asked, "You have been to hell, Ketut?"
He smiled. Of course he's been there.

"What's it like in hell?"

"Same like heaven," he said.

He saw my confusion and tried to explain. "Universe is a circle, Liss."
I still wasn't sure I understood.

He said. "To up, to down - all same, at end."

I remembered an old Christian mystic notion: As above, so below. I asked. "Then how can you tell the difference between heaven and hell?"

"Because of how you go. Heaven, you go up, through seven happy places. Hell, you go down, through seven sad places. This is why it is better for you to go up, Liss." He laughed.

I asked, "You mean, you might as well spend your life going upward through the happy places, since`heaven and hell - the destinations - are the same thing anyway.

"Same-same, " he said. "Same in end, so better to be happy on journey."

I said, "So, if heaven is love, then hell is...."
"Love, too," he said" (2006, pp. 261-3).

~Excerpted from "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert.

Happiness & Joy

2009-03-29T17:38:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading Elizabeth Gilbert's # 1 New York Times Best selling autobiography "Eat, Pray, Love" in which she takes us on her quest for her own truth through Italy, India and Indonesia. If there is an excerpt from the book that has enduring value for me, it would be these two pages which she writes towards the end of her journey:

"I keep remembering one of my Guru's teachings about happiness. She says that people universally tend to think that happiness is a stroke of luck, something that will maybe descend upon you like fine weather if you're fortunate enough. But that's not how happiness works. Happiness is the consequence of personal effort. You fight for it, strive for it, insist upon it, and sometimes even travel around the world looking for it. You have to participate relentlessly in the manifestations of your own blessings. And once you have achieved a state of happiness, you must never become lax about maintaining it, you must make a mighty effort to keep swimming upward into that happiness forever, to stay afloat on top of it. If you don't, you will leak away your innate contentment. Its easy enough to pray when you're in distress but continuing to pray even when your crisis has passed is like a sealing process, helping your soul hold tight to its good attainments.

Recalling these teachings as I ride my bike so freely in the sunset through Bali, I keep making prayers that are really vows, presenting my state of harmony to God and saying, "This is what I would like to hold on to Please help me memorize this feeling of contentment and help me always support it." I'm putting this happiness in a bank somewhere, not merely FDIC protected but guarded by my four spirit brothers, held there as insurance against future trials in life. This is a practice I've come to call "Diligent Joy." As I focus on Diligent Joy, I also keep remembering a simple idea my friend Darcey told me once - that all the sorrow and trouble of this world is caused by unhappy people. Not only in the big global Hitler-'n'-Stalin picture, but also on the smallest personal level. Even in my own life, I can see exactly where my episodes of unhappiness have brought suffering or distress or (at the very least) inconvenience to those around me. The search for contentment is, therefore, not merely a self-preserving and self-benefiting act, but also a generous gift to the world. Clearing out all your misery gets you out of the way. You cease being an obstacle, not only to yourself but to anyone else. Only then are you free to serve and enjoy other people." (2006, pp. 260-261)

~ Excerpted from "Eat, Pray Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert.

The Law of Attraction vs Coherence

2009-02-22T21:41:00.000-08:00

"CosMos - A Co-creator's Guide to the Whole-World" is an inspiring book by Ervin Laszlo, Ph.D, recipient of the 2001 Goi Peace Award (Japanese) and the 2005 Mandir Peace Prize. He has been twice nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize. This book is co-authored by Jude Currivan, Ph.D. The authors offer these thoughts and caveat on the Law of Attraction:

"The principles of resonance and reflection are brought together in the Law of Attraction, which states that like attracts like - positive thinking and intention attract positive results, and vice-versa.

The power of our intention and the energy it unleashes are dependent on our levels of coherence and intensity. The affirmation of our positive intentions in thought, feeling, and action increases the power of our abilities. Nonetheless, it is important to appreciate that the matrix of physical, emotional, and mental levels of consciousness through which our personal and collective intentions and choices are explored and experienced require a "health warning" on interpreting the Law of Attraction too simplistically.

There are many reasons why our life circumstances are as they are. Expanding our awareness to understand them and our behavior patterns and limiting beliefs allows us to gain the perspective that enables us to become more balanced and whole. When we are willing to undertake this quest, we are empowered to "attract" our highest purpose to flow through us. This is the journey of developing deeper coherence. The most coherent ends are achieved through the most coherent means. In this context, "the means do not justify the end"; they become it." (2008, p. 105).

~Excerpted from "CosMos" By Laszlo and Currivan

Alchemy and the Imagination

2009-02-18T10:28:00.001-08:00

Leading Jungian analyst, Nathan Schwartz-Salant's Introduction to Jung's work on Alchemy provides an inviting preface to the topic. This book brings together an essential selection of Jung's thoughts on the topic. The relationship between alchemy and imagination is not to be underestimated:

"The alchemists knew, from their own and from the accumulated experience of centuries of traditional cultures, that their personalities could be transformed. Through initiation rites they felt different, behaved differently, and grew in new ways. No longer bound to the compulsion of adolescent states of mind, or to the flights into promiscuity that wasted their sexual energies, people in traditional cultures learned that they could 'die' and be 'reborn.' And in their reborn form they actually did see the world differently. They could, in fact, see in ways they never could before. Their imagination could become a guide to truth instead of being a capricious trickster. And some alchemists could feel a guiding center that formed in their innermost being and which was strangely linked in feeling to experiences of their most ecstatic journeys. Alchemy developed within this respect for a human concern for the sacred. As a consequence, its very methods were intrinsically bound to the power of illumination and the imagination, and it especially applied the ideas of death and rebirth, so central to initiation rites and mystical experience, to material and psychological change. To understand the alchemical quest we must recognize the intimate relationship that existed between its methods and the transformation of the human personality, or else we shall miss its essential mystery." (1995, p. 5).

~Excerpted from "Jung on Alchemy" by Nathan Schwartz-Salant

Arundhati Roy's counsel.

2009-01-28T21:17:00.000-08:00

There is such power in the writing of Arundhati Roy, author of "A God of Small Things". She is able to communicate her essence with her wordcraft. Here are a few inspiring words of counsel that she wrote for a friend of hers on a paper napkin. They made my day!

"To love. To be loved.

To never forget your own insignificance.

To never get used to the unspeakable violence

and the vulgar disparity of life around you.

To seek joy in the saddest places.

To pursue beauty to its lair.

To never simplify what is complicated

or complicate what is simple.

To respect strength, never power.

Above all, to watch. To try and understand.

To never look away.

And never, never, to forget."

~~~

~ Excerpted from a conversation with Howard Zinn in New York City.

The Power of Imagination

2009-01-20T17:30:00.001-08:00

President Obama is no stranger to the power of imagination. Here's a brief excerpt from his inaugural speech:

"Now, there are some who question the scale of our ambitions - who suggest that our system cannot tolerate too many big plans. Their memories are short. For they have forgotten what this country has already done; what free men and women can achieve when imagination is joined to common purpose, and necessity to courage.

What the cynics fail to understand is that the ground has shifted beneath them ..."

President Barak Hussein Obama,
44th President of the United States of America

The Power of Dreams: "I have a Dream" - excerpts from Martin Luther King's Speech

2009-01-19T19:09:00.000-08:00

"In a sense we've come to our nation's capital to cash a check. When the architects of our republic wrote the magnificent words of the Constitution and the Declaration of Independence, they were signing a promissory note to which every American was to fall heir. This note was a promise that all men - yes, black men as well as white men - would be guaranteed the unalienable rights of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. It is obvious today that America has defaulted on this promissory note, insofar as her citizens of color are concerned. Instead of honoring this sacred obligation, America has given the Negro people a bad check, a check which has come back marked 'insufficient funds."

"It would be fatal for the nation to overlook the urgency of the moment. This sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality. Nineteen sixty-three is not an end, but a beginning. Those who hope that the Negro needed to blow off steam and will now be content will have a rude awakening if the nation returns to business as usual."

"The marvelous new militancy which has engulfed the Negro community must not lead us to a distrust of all white people. For many of our white brothers as evidenced by their presence here today have come to realize that their destiny is tied up with our destiny and they have come to realize that their freedom is inextricably bound to our freedom. We can not walk alone."

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.'"

"I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character."

"I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at a table of brotherhood."

"This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day."

"Now is the time to lift our nation from the quicksand of racial injustice to the solid rock of brotherhood. Now is the time to make justice a reality for all of God's children."

"Let freedom ring. And when this happens, and when we allow freedom ring—when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children—black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics—will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual: "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People

2009-01-08T18:58:00.000-08:00

Stephen Covey, respected leadership authority, family expert, teacher and organizational consultant earned his stripes with his acclaimed book "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People." Here's a quick recap of his 7 Habits:

1. Be Proactive: accept responsibility

2. Begin with the End in Mind: Create a mental vision

3. Put First Things First: Prioritize

4. Think Win-Win: Seek Mutual Benefit

5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood: Balance kindness with courage

6. Synergize: Go for creative co-operation

7. Sharpen the Saw: Constantly renew yourself.

Blind brilliance!

2009-01-07T19:10:00.000-08:00

I am watching Governor David Paterson of New York, giving his state of the State message in Albany, New York. I am just blown away at watching the first legally blind African American Governor of New York make his presentation - without notes or a teleprompter. How does he achieve this level of excellence as a visually impaired professional? Here is his story per Wikipedia:

"At the age of three months, Paterson contracted an ear infection which spread to his optic nerve, leaving him with no sight in his left eye and severely limited vision in his right. Since New York City public schools would not guarantee him an education without placing him in special education classes, his family bought a home in the Long Island suburb of Hempstead so that he could attend mainstream classes there. Paterson was the first disabled student in the Hempstead public schools, and graduated from Hempstead High School in 1971.
Paterson received a BA in history from Columbia University in 1977 and a law degree from Hofstra Law School in 1983. After law school, he went to work for the Queens District Attorney's Office, but was unable to complete the New York bar examination, and so did not become an attorney at law. He attributed his failing the New York bar to insufficient accommodation for his visual impairment, and has since advocated for changes in bar exam procedures."

This man must know the secrets of the power of imagination!

Permission Granted!

2008-12-31T16:35:00.000-08:00

Permission Granted
by fellow USM graduate and life coach, Christine Michel

Pretend you have a magic wand....Imagine all the good you could ever imagine for your whole life, your whole being, now hold the magic wand over your head.....and give it a shake....."Permission granted".....

You now have permission to be all that you ever imagined....To have all that your heart desires......To do all that you are called to do. When you give yourself permission to be your Truth, you no longer have to worry if you will "do it right", if you will "say the right thing", or make the "right choices", because from this place all the "right" doors open, the "perfect" words come forward, the "uplifting" thoughts appear.....

From this place you experience your All Good, you live a joyful life, your fantasies are reality (Real It I). When someone tells you to get your head out of the clouds, to come down to reality, to stop dreaming so big, you will simply smile and say inside "Thank you for sharing, I bless you and love you....and the Truth is all good is mine now and I say thank you, thank you, God." Pretty soon, as you practice the Truth, the Truth is all you will know and you won't even have anything other than Truth reflected back to you!I celebrate my good now and forever more!!!
Permalink: truthtalks.partners-in-truth.com/2008/12/31/permission-granted.aspx

Renewing your New Year's intentions!

2008-12-31T16:25:00.000-08:00

A Message from fellow USM graduate, Tori Hartman:
January Is the Month of Renewal

Welcome to 2009!

I recently led one of my groups through a renewal evening.
We wrote down our goals and set intentions for 2009. In the midst of this , I stopped and glanced down at MY list. I was bewildered. It was the same list I had written down last year!
I looked up at the eager faces around me. Everyone was happy and pumped up. They appeared ready to run out the door to embark on their new lives.

I just sighed as everyone waited to hear the next step.

Pointing to the fireplace, I said, “We’ve got to burn this stuff – give it up. We already know what our intentions are. C’mon, look at your list. I’m guessing that you’ve written this down before. Like, last year? Are these the same goals you wanted last year?”

Every single person in the group reluctantly agreed.

How about you? Did you write down the same goals as last year?

For 2009, I offer you this question: What if we all renewed who we were and who we’d have to be in order to become our goals?

The idea that we are achieving something outside ourselves is false. We must realize that we must expand ourselves, where the true law of attraction is activated, to be big enough to house our big goals.

Imagine trying to house a tractor-trailer in a tiny garage!
We must expand our housing for bigger goals. Housing = Spirit. We have to be bigger energetically in order to expand and have the capacity to house our goals.

This month, we will renew our “real” selves. And it that idea, we will expand our capacity to attract love.

I created a daily contemplation to get us started. The free renewal meditation this month will begin to stretch you energetically to house your bigger life.

Set a powerful intention to expand and open yourself to spirit. I recommend the Spirit Guides Intention Kit for this. When you stand powerfully in that vast space with spirit, you open your capacity very quickly.

I also have a soft spot for the Open Heart Home Chakra Vortex. It’s simply stunning. If you’re attracted to it, the Open Heart Home Chakra Vortex will be very powerful for you. Hang it in your home or wear it!

Please let me know if you have any questions…
Much love,
Tori

Maslow in his own words

2008-12-23T11:40:00.000-08:00

Since I have quoted Maslow extensively, I thought it might be useful to readers to know how he views his own place in the field of psychology:

“Psychology today is torn and riven, and may in fact be said to be three (or more) separate, noncommunicating sciences or groups of scientists. First is the behavioristic, objectivistic, mechanistic, positivistic group. Second is the whole cluster of psychologies that originated in Freud and in psychoanalysis. And third there are the humanistic psychologies, or the “Third Force” as this group has been called, a coalescence in to a single philosophy of various splinter groups in psychology. It is for this third psychology that I want to speak. I interpret this third psychology to include the first and second psychologies, and have invented the words “epi-behavioristic” and “epi-Freudian” (epi = upon) to describe it. This also helps to avoid the sophomoric two-valued, dichotomized orientation, for example, of being either pro-Freudian or anti-Freudian. I am Freudian and I am behavioristic and I am humanistic, and as a matter of fact I am developing what might be called a fourth psychology of transcendence as well.” (1971, pp. 3-4)

~ Excerpted from "The Farther Reaches of Human Nature" by Abraham Maslow.

Resacralizing - more on Self-Actualization.

2008-12-21T14:20:00.000-08:00

Abraham Maslow also inspired my own hero, the late Italian psychiatrist and founder of psychosynthesis, Dr. Roberto Assagioli. In Maslow's writings on Self-Actualization, he touches on something which is very dear to my own heart, and that is the notion of Sacralizing life! I recently completed a coaching session with a client whom I encouraged to give a name to her new beach cabin, which is smaller than any home she has ever lived in before. This was a way to
r-e-s-a-c-r-a-l-i-z-e
her living environment. Here's Maslow's thinking on this:

"Resacralizing. Resacralizing means being willing, once again, to see a person "under the aspect of eternity," as Spinoza says, or to see him in the medieval Christian unitive perception, that is being able to see the sacred, the eternal, the symbolic. It is to see Woman with a capital "W" and everything which that implies, even when one looks at a particular woman. Another example: One goes to medical school and dissects a brain. Certainly something is lost if the medical student isn't awed but, without the unitive perception, sees the brain only as one concrete thing. Open to resacralization, one sees a brain as a sacred object also, sees its symbolic value, sees it as a figure of speech, sees it in its poetic aspects.

Resacralization often means an awful lot of corny talk - "very square," the kids would say. Nevertheless, for the counselor, especially for the counselor of older people, where these philosophical questions about religion and the meaning of life come up, this is a most important way of helping the person to move toward self-actualization. The youngsters may say that it is square, and the logical positivists may say that it is meaningless, but for the person who seeks our help in this process, it is obviously very meaningful and very important, and we had better answer him, or we're not doing what it is our job to do.

Put all these points together, and we see that self-actualization is not a matter of one great moment. It is not true that on Thursday at four o'clock the trumpet blows and one steps into the pantheon forever and altogether. Self-actualization is a matter of degree, or little accessions accumulated one by one. (1971, p. 49).

~ Excerpted from "The Farther Reaches of Human Nature" by Abraham Maslow.

Self-Actualization....Continued

2008-12-20T12:35:00.000-08:00

This is a continuation of the previous post on Self-Actualization. Here Maslow adds the rest of the steps towards self-actualizing behaviors or strategies. It is interesting to note that Maslow clearly emphasizes the dynamic and consistent aspect of the process, in his book "The Farther Reaches of Human Nature:"

"Fifth, we have talked so far of experiencing without self-awareness, of making the growth choice rather than the fear choice, of listening to the impulse voices, and of being honest and taking responsibility. All these are steps toward self-actualization, and all of them guarantee better life choices. A person who does each of these little things each time the choice point comes will find that they add up to better choices about what is constitutionally right for him. He comes to know what his destiny is, who his wife or husband will be, what his mission in life will be. One cannot choose wisely for a life unless he dares to listen to himself, his own self, at each moment in life, and to say calmly, "No, I don't like such and such."

The art world, in my opinion, has been captured by a small group of opinion- and taste-makers about whom I feel suspicious. That is an ad hominem judgment, but it seems fair enough for people who set themselves up as able to say, "You like what I like or else you are a fool." We must teach people to listen to their own tastes. Most people don't do it. When standing in a gallery before a puzzling painting, one rarely hears, "That is a puzzling painting." We had a dance program at Brandeis University not too long ago - a weird thing altogether, with electronic music, tapes and people doing surrealistic and Dada things. When the lights went up everybody looked stunned, and nobody knew what to say. In that kind of situation most people will make some smart chatter instead of saying, "I would like to be different, unpopular, nonconformist. If clients, young or old, cannot be taught about being prepared to be unpopular, counselors might just as well give up right now. To be courageous rather than afraid is another version of the same thing.

Sixth, self-actualization is not only an end state but also the process of actualizing one's potentialities at any time, in any amount. It is, for example, a matter of becoming smarter by studying if one is an intelligent person. It does not mean doing some far-out thing necessarily, but it may mean going through an arduous and demanding period of preparation in order to realize one's possibilities. Self-actualization can consist of finger exercises at a piano keyboard. Self-actualization means working to do well the thing one wants to do. To become a second-rate physician is not a good path to self-actualization. One wants to be first rate or as good as he can be.

Seventh, peak experiences are transient moments of self-actualization. They are moments of ecstasy which cannot even be sought. One must be, as C.S. Lewis wrote, "surprised by joy." But one can set up the conditions so that peak experiences are more likely, or one can perversely set up the conditions so that they are less likely. Breaking up an illusion, getting rid of a false notion, learning what one is not good at, learning what one's potentialities are not - these are also part of discovering what one is in fact.

Practically everyone does have peak experiences, but not everyone knows it. Some people wave these small mystical experiences aside. Helping people to recognize these little moments of ecstasy when they happen is one of the jobs of the counselor or metacounselor. Yet, how does one's psyche, with nothing external in the world to point at - there is no blackboard there - look into another person's secret psyche and then try to communicate? We have to work out a new way of communication. I have tried one. It is described in another appendix in that same book, Religions, Values and Peak Experiences, under the title "Rhapsodic Communications." I think that kind of communication may be more of a model for teaching, and counseling, for helping adults to become as fully developed as they can be, than the kind we are used to when we see teachers writing on the board. If I love Beethoven and I hear something in a quartet that you don't, how do I teach you to hear? The noises are there, obviously. But I hear something very, very beautiful, and you look blank. You hear the sounds. How do I get you to hear the beauty? That is more our problem in teaching than making you learn the ABC's or demonstrating arithmetic on the board or pointing to a dissection of a frog. These latter things are external to both people; one has a pointer, and both can look at the same time. This kind of teaching is easy; the other kind is much harder, but it is part of the counselor's job. It is metacounseling.

Eighth, finding out who one is, what he is, what he likes, what he doesn't like, what is good for him and what bad, where he is going and what his mission is - opening oneself up to himself - means the exposure of psychopathology. It means identifying defenses, and after defenses have been identified, it means finding the courage to give them up. This is painful because defenses are erected against something which is unpleasant. But giving up the defenses is worthwhile. If the psychoanalytic literature has taught us nothing else, it has taught us that repression is not a good way of solving problems." (1971, pp. 45-47).

~ Excerpted from "The Farther Reaches of Human Nature" by Abraham Maslow.

Self-Actualization - Introduction

2008-12-19T22:06:00.000-08:00

Abraham Maslow, one of the foremost spokespersons of humanistic or "Third Force" psychology was an eternal optimist and a philosopher of science. His thoughts and ideas about self-actualization, which inform the practice of Quantum One Life Coaching, are outlined in his book "The Farther Reaches of Human Nature:"

Behaviors Leading to Self-Actualization

What does one do when he actualizes? Does he grit his teeth and squeeze? What does self-actualization mean in terms of actual behavior, actual procedure? I shall describe eight ways in which one self-actualizes.

First, self-actualization means experiencing fully, vividly, selflessly, with full concentration and total absorption. It means experiencing without the self-consciousness of the adolescent. At this moment of experiencing, the person is wholly and fully human. This is a self-actualizing moment.This is a moment when the self is actualizing itself. As individuals, we all experience such moments occasionally. As counselors, we can help clients to experience them more often. We can encourage them to become totally absorbed in something and to forget their poses and defenses and their shyness - to go at it "wholehog." From the outside, we can see that this can be a very sweet moment. In those youngsters who are trying to be very tough and cynical and sophisticated, we can see the recovery of some of the guilelessness of childhood: some of the innocence and sweetness of the face can come back as they devote themselves fully into the experiencing of it. The key word for this is "selflessly," and our youngsters suffer from too little selflessness and too much self-consciousness, self-awareness.

Second, let us think of life as a process of choices, one after another. At each point there is a progression choice and a regression choice. There may be a movement toward defense, toward safety, toward being afraid; but over on the other side, there is the growth choice. To make the growth choice instead of the fear choice a dozen times a day is to move a dozen times a day towards self-actualization. Self-actualization is an ongoing process; it means making each of the many single choices about whether to lie or to be honest, whether to steal or not to steal at a particular point, and it means to make each of these choices as a growth choice. This is movement toward self-actualization.

Third, to talk of self-actualization implies that there is a self to be actualized. A human being is not a tabula rasa, not a lump of clay or Plasticine. He is something which is already there, at least a "cartiliginous" structure of some kind. A human being is, at minimum, his temperament, his biochemical balances, and so on. There is a self, and what I have sometimes referred to as "listening to the impulse voices" means letting the self emerge. Most of us, most of the time (and especially does this apply to children, young people), listen not to ourselves but to Mommy's introjected voice or Daddy's voice or to the voice of the Establishment, of the Elders, of authority, or of tradition.

As a simple first step toward self-actualization, I sometimes suggest to my students that when they are given a glass of wine and asked how they like it, they try a different way of responding. First, I suggest that they not look at the label on the bottle. Thus they will not use it to get any cue about whether or not they should like it. Next, I recommend that they close their eyes if possible and that they "make a hush." Now they are ready to look within themselves and try to shut out the noise of the world so that they may savor the wine on their tongues and look to the "Supreme Court" inside themselves. Then, and only then, they may come out and say, "I like it" or "I don't like it." A statement so arrived at is different from the usual kind of phoniness that we all indulge in. At a party recently, I caught myself looking at the label on a bottle and assuring my hostess that she had indeed selected a very good Scotch. But then I stopped myself: What was I saying? I know little about Scotches. All I knew was what the advertisements said. I had no idea whether this one was good or not; yet this is the kind of thing we all do. Refusing to do it is part of the ongoing process of actualizing oneself. Does your belly hurt? Or does it feel good? Does this taste good on your tongue? Do you like lettuce?

Fourth, when in doubt, be honest rather than not. I am covered by that phrase "when in doubt," so that we need not argue too much about diplomacy. Frequently, when we are in doubt we are not honest. Clients are not honest much of the time. They are playing games and posing. They do not take easily to the suggestion to be honest. Looking within oneself for many of the answers implies taking responsibility. That is in itself a great step toward actualization. This matter of responsibility has been little studied. It doesn't turn up in our textbooks, for who can investigate responsibility in white rats? Yet, it is an almost tangible part of psychotherapy. In psychotherapy, one can see it, can feel it, can know the moment of responsibility. Then there is a clear knowing of what it feels like. This is one of the great steps. Each time one takes responsibility, that is an actualizing of the self." (1971, pp. 43-45).

~ Excerpted from "The Farther Reaches of Human Nature" by Abraham Maslow.

Coaching the Whole Person

2008-11-06T11:55:00.000-08:00

Transpersonal Life coaching is more holistic than other styles of coaching in that it includes an integrated approach to developing the whole person, it addresses the emotional (feelings), cognitive (thinking patterns), physical (body connection) and spiritual areas of development. Because it operates at a deeper level, it effects how people experience themselves and experience the world.

Transpersonal Life Coaching allows clients to become more competent in relationships, in their professional lives, in understanding themselves, and in affecting the world around them.

Does coaching really work? Yes! This is why:

1. Some of us don't know where we're going, what our lives are about, and how our values affect us each day. Coaching helps clarify our purpose, values and goals.

2. We may know where we're going and what we need to do, but we forget or simply get stuck in our limiting belief systems, ineffective habits or inability to focus. A well-trained coach gets us back on track by helping us identify those limiting beliefs or negative self-narratives and ineffective habits; then we may find more effective ways of living and enjoying life.

3. Many times we resist "sustained" change because it's so much easier and more comfortable to stay the way we are. Any change we make causes resistance and backlash within ourselves as well as from other people in our lives, often resulting in a relapse in behaviors or a way of being. A coach helps us move beyond that resistance with greater ease and flow. In the coaching relationship you may decide to work on all areas of your life at once or just focus on one.

Some Distinctions between Coaching and Counseling/Therapy:

Psychotherapy deals with disruptive emotional and behavioral problems. The underlying assumption is that clients come to therapy with some kind of deficiency or impairment. The goals of therapy are to remediate the dysfunction with face-to-face therapy, psychotropic medications, or a combination of both.

Coaching deals with well functioning individuals who want to move toward a more fulfilling and effective life. Coaching is a process similar to solution-focused methods that therapists use for less serious psycho-emotional problems and life stresses. However, coaching is qualitatively different from any mental health services. The coach does not assume that he/she has a specific kind of expertise, which must be taught to the client. Rather, the coach provides a relationship that focuses on the following characteristics:

1. Exploring and perceiving the specific needs of the client.

2. Exploration of the goals that would facilitate the client in reaching his/her potential.

3. Collaboration with the client- taking the client's lead rather than imposing the coach's philosophy and values.

4. Supporting an atmosphere of encouragement in which there are no failures; rather, each step the client takes helps him/her to know more about them and to take the initiative to move in a more effective direction.

5. Reaching into ways to help the client truly know his/her "Self" better and to find more meaning.

6. Using methods that are relevant to the client's personal, vocational, social, emotional, financial and possibly spiritual goals.

"The Power of Now"

2008-11-05T14:04:00.000-08:00

If there is one book that profoundly informs my practice as a Quantum One Life Coach, it is the book by Eckhart Tolle entitled “The Power of Now.” Although it’s sub-title is “A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment,” it is also an essential guide for a Life Coach and a guide that I would recommend to any committed coachee at the outset of our coaching practice, especially if the coachee is seeking Spiritual coaching.

The transformational coaching approach to which I subscribe maintains that 80% of our work comes from our “being” and 20% is about what we know as coaches. “The Power of Now” addresses this experience of “being” and offers principles and practices on how to be “present” in the Now.

Presence is a quality of being that is essential to my practice as a coach. It informs the way I listen to my clients and what I listen for and at the same time allows me to listen from essence and purpose. But it also informs how I embody this presence with my clients. The Quantum One Life Coaching process is founded on “co-creating our wildest dreams and highest aspirations with the Power of Imagination.” Hence it requires a quality of being and presence that invites the clients to also come from their own being. “The Power of Now” encourages one to move deeply into the Now and this is where the deepest connection is made with the client/coachee and the One. The relationship between Presence and Imagination is one that Ekhart Tolle does not fully explore, but it has been my experience that Imagination is most successfully evoked and cultivated through our quality of being and Presence.

This process of Being uncovers what Tolle refers to as the Inner Body. Not only does the Coach connect with his or her own Inner Body but Tolle also addresses the somatics of coaching:

“Transformation is through the body, not away from it. This is why no true master has ever advocated fighting or leaving the body, although their mind-based followers often have.”

The ability of the coach to be in his or her own inner body and also be present to the inner body of the client is paramount in creating this experience of presence for both coach and client. It is from this experience of Presence that the coach is able to discern what it is that wants to emerge for the coachee.

Tolle also writes with profound depth about enlightened relationships. This applies both to the Coach/coachee relationship as it does to the relationship issues that the coachee may be struggling with. Tolle differentiates between “romantic relationships,” and addictive relationships or co-dependent relationships from relationships that are based on the client’s wholeness. He advocates for a suspension of judgment and a move towards acceptance of what is, which make us free of the mind: “You have made room for love, for joy, for peace.”

Tolle identifies relationships as “spiritual practice,” which is entirely in alignment with the principles of Quantum Life Coaching because underlying all relationships is the Oneness of all being. This is not just limited to persons but also to all of creation, events and phenomena.

“The Power of Now” implicitly addresses the question of one’s relationship with Time. This is valuable both for the coach as well as the coachee. In situations where a coachee may be identifying with the past, with their story, the coach can facilitate an awareness of the Now and the possibility of choices in the Now, choices that let go of the stories in the past and focus on the field of possibilities in the present.

Tolle makes important distinctions between inner purpose and outer purpose as well as distinctions between one’s life and one’s “life situation.” This is a vitally important distinction to make in Quantum One Life Coaching because often clients may be focused on their outer purpose and have no sense of their inner purpose. Such clients are then at risk of losing their centeredness if their outer purpose is not fulfilled, whereas clients who are more focused on their inner purpose are in the position of identifying an outer purpose in alignment with their inner purpose. And if their outer purpose is unfulfilled, they are more apt and prepared to accept a change of course in their life situation:

“The outer purpose belongs to the horizontal dimension of space and time; the inner purpose concerns a deepening of your Being in the vertical dimension of the timeless Now. Your outer journey may contain a million steps; your inner journey only has one: the step you are taking right now. As you become more deeply aware of this one step, you realize that it already contains within itself all the other steps as well as the destination. This one step becomes transformed into an expression of perfection, an act of great beauty and quality. It will have taken you into Being, and the light of Being will shine through it. This is both the purpose and fulfillment of your inner journey, the journey into yourself.”

This awareness by the client may take time to cultivate but it clearly provides for an enduring experience of well-being, which in and of itself can inspire the client to define the scope of their outer purpose with more clarity. Ultimately, the quality and manifestation of the outer purpose can be greatly enhanced when it is alignment with one’s inner purpose. What Tolle brings to the coaching milieu is an ability to identify effective spiritual principles for transformation without over-loading the content with “spiritualitis.” Hence there is an opening here to connect with one’s inner body, inner being and inner purpose especially for those who may not follow any particular spiritual tradition.

“The Power of Now” concludes with the meaning of surrender, emphasizing that no transformation is possible with an “unsurrendered state of consciousness.” It is only when we can fully accept what is that we can contemplate the next realistic incremental action steps. This is fully in alignment with the Quantum One Life Coaching practice.

"The Power of Intention"

2008-11-04T08:50:00.000-08:00

Another work that will always inform my practice as a Quantum One Life Coach is the book by Dr. Wayne Dyer entitled “The Power of Intention.” My experience as a coach thus far has been to invite the coachee to set an intention at the outset of the session so that both coach and coachee can collaborate on ways to fully realize that intention.

Since Quantum One Life Coaching’s vision for its practice is “Co-creation with the Power of Imagination,” Dyer’s sub-title, “Learning to Co-create Your World Your Way” is very much in alignment with my “come from” on coaching. As a coach, I think it is essential that the coach and coachee are on the same page about both the intention for the session as well as the coachee’s intention for the general coaching topic/goal since this also requires the client to assume direction and responsibility for manifesting the outcome of the coaching.

Dyer’s break down of the notion of intention into its seven faces is very useful to both coach and coachee.

1. The face of creativity calls on the creative energy of both coach and client.

2. The face of kindness speaks to a positive energy in the universe that effects the immune system and an increased production of serotonin in the brain which itself makes one feel “comfortable, peaceful and even blissful.” Hence this is an essential quality for the Quantum One Life Coaching practice.

3. The face of love speaks to the energy field of intention which is nurturing and creates a supportive environment in which one is able to flourish and grow. It is out of love that the Quantum One Life Coach is able to see the fullest human potential and possibility in the client.

4. The face of beauty is very much aligned with the Eco-psychological orientation of the Quantum One Life Coaching practice because it invites one to attune to and be receptive to the beauty of the natural world and our elegant universe, our overflowing source of life in all its myriad forms.

5. The face of expansion speaks to the ever-expansive evolutionary process of our universe and invites one to reflect and contemplate the infinite field of possibilities. It is both an agent of change as well as a liberating force from “stuckness,” which is very often what may be presented by the client.

6. The face of unlimited abundance challenges our limiting beliefs about what we can experience in our lives both in material and spiritual terms. Connecting with the generosity of the Universe is one of the keys to unlocking and tapping the vast potential of each being on the planet, opening the floodgates to the psychology of gratitude

7. The face of receptivity speaks to the open arms with which both coach and client may encounter the secret suggestions from the field of intention. Often these secret suggestions far outshine any notions we may have had about possible outcomes.

Dyer invites us to connect to this Field of Intention by being the seven faces. This creates a very powerful field for manifesting dreams and possibilities. He uses a quotation by Thomas Troward which creates a powerful frame and context for Quantum One Life Coaching:

“The law of flotation was not discovered by contemplating the sinking of things,
but by contemplating the floating of things which floated naturally,

and then intelligently asking why they did so.”

Very useful to me as coach and one that I have already used as a coach is to examine
some of the obstacles to connecting to intention. Dyer identifies five levels of energy, moving from the lowest and slowest to the highest and fastest frequencies. These are the material, sound, light, thought and spirit worlds. I completely concur with his prescription for raising one’s energy vibrations by

1) making meditation a regular practice in one’s life,
2) becoming conscious of the foods one eats,
3) retreating from low-energy substances,
4) being conscious of the energy level of the music one listens to,
5) becoming aware of the energy levels of one’s home environment,
6) reducing exposure to the low energy of commercial and cable television,
7) enhancing one’s energy field with photographs,
8) becoming conscious of the energy levels of acquaintances, friends and extended family,
9) monitoring one’s activities and where they take place, and
10) extending random acts of kindness, asking for nothing in return.

However, clearly not all of my clients espouse these principles and the most I can do as a coach is to encourage my clients if they are willing to look at the potential obstacles in connecting to intention. One of my clients in therapy was intrigued by Dyer’s book until she read about his prescriptions about avoiding alcohol. Being a frequent user/abuser of alcohol, she became very cynical about the power of intention. Hence, even though she was willing to set intentions in our sessions, she was not able to follow through on the intentions she set for herself.

Dyer looks at the relationship between purpose and intention as “beautifully and naturally intertwined as the double helix of your DNA. There are no accidents.” A very significant point he makes is that “purpose is not as much about what you do as it is about how you feel so that one’s feelings of being on purpose flow through expressions of the seven faces of intention.”

This is in alignment with Tolle’s perspective in “The Power of Now” (my next post) as well as the orientation of the Quantum One Life Coaching practice. My own experience in creating a collage on Eco-psychology was that my own fascination and intentions in this area became clear when I wrote out my inner and outer purpose statements.

Finally Dyer invites a Quantum One Life Coach to reflect and act on Maslow’s assertion that “Self actualizing people must be what they can be.” On this historic day, when Barack Obama, the first African-American (or as I would prefer to call him, the first Kenyan-American) has been elected as President of the United States of America, one can no longer under-estimate the Power of Intention or the Power of Imagination. It is clear that each of our clients is already moving in this direction and as coach it is vital to observe what is emerging.

"The Last Word on Power"

2008-11-03T19:33:00.000-08:00

The most profound coaching model that will continue to inform and permeate my practice as a Quantum One Life Coach is covered in the work of Tracy Goss, a foremost expert in the field of transformational leadership and executive re-invention, and author of “The Last Word on Power.” In fact, the essential approach of this coaching model speaks to the quantum aspect of Quantum One Life Coaching because it challenges the coachee to aspire to achieve the “impossible,” (Yes! Our Wildest Dreams and Highest Aspirations!) not by any incremental improvements in the various domains of one’s life but by declaring the destination and moving into it and towards it.

This model of coaching is intimately familiar to me because it is the approach that my own father took - out of bankruptcy into financial wealth and stability. It happened in 1961 when my father had to declare business and personal bankruptcy much to the chagrin of his immediate and extended family because in the “British colonial” context and culture of his time, there was much shame attached to the decision to file bankruptcy, period. It was a time when an individual had to repay a percentage of one’s debts in order to be discharged from bankruptcy.

On the day that my father filed bankruptcy, he caused a sensation and a stir by declaring to the local press: “I am a bankrupt today, but I will be a millionaire tomorrow.” This was the front page banner headline of the newspapers the next day. There was no escaping the power of his words even though his son, that would be moi, was too embarrassed to go to school that day. As I write these words my father has a net worth of over a million dollars.

Almost forty years later, I also filed personal and business bankruptcy and declared that “this was not an ending but a beginning and an opening to something new” to a cohort of 200 plus students in spiritual psychology. Not knowing where this journey would lead me, I took the next steps, completed two advanced degrees in psychology and back in 2005, I declared that

"I will live, work, study and flourish as a therapist/life coach as a “citizen” of Santa Barbara, California with all the rights and responsibilities that go with such citizenship."

Up to the moment of my first declaration in June 2000, this author had cultivated a winning strategy of thinking positive and taking incremental steps towards some measured success in all my life domains. However, the financial success that was my primary goal continued to elude me, and with it, my dreams of a sustained intimate relationship. My winning strategy had - at the most - allowed me to survive with a smile. I wanted a bolder vision of life to step into and the experience of “dying” before going into battle, which Goss describes as an essential precursor to the success that has followed me since then was a way of “hitting bottom without giving up.”

I was thrust into a re-invention paradigm by the very fact that I was at ground zero with no cash, no income, no credit, no career and no intimate relationship, finding myself in a place of “accepting hopelessness – as a gift.” From here on, I had to take a stand. I was on my way to get my PhD, find a life partner and live in Santa Barbara because that is what I want in my life. My several visits to Santa Barbara since August 2001, less than a year after filing business bankruptcy, was my way of “honing my declaration.” Back in 2005, I wanted to “be “in Santa Barbara and this I have been “doing” consistently, but once I declared I wanted to "be" a Santa Barbaran, I was able to take the steps to make that a reality! This has much more power in it than wanting to be in Santa Barbara!

From this declaration, I am now ready to complete the expressive: “Who I am is the future of engaged citizenship.” And “I declare the possibility of being very happily married, while flourishing as an international authority and expert witness on authentic embodied well-being in all its spheres, both personal, transpersonal and systemic, and as a model citizen of Santa Barbara.”

Goss identifies these declarations as the process necessary for designing and inventing an impossible future, without regard to the possibility of failure, acknowledging that one may even fail. She develops a formidable Re-Invention Master Paradigm that focuses on an ontological system of committed speaking and listening, and achieving transformation by how one is being by altering the context. In my own case, the context of living, working and studying in Santa Barbara changes radically by being not only an engaged model citizen of Santa Barbara but an international authority and expert witness on embodied well being in all its spheres: personal, transpersonal and systemic.

Goss further emphasizes a different set of leadership skills between the Universal Human Paradigm and the Re-invention Master Paradigm which are 1) Declaring a future based on no evidence and no history, 2) Creating Context, 3) Taking a stand, 4) Fulfilling realms of possibility, 5) Making bold promises one does not know - in advance - how to keep, and 6) Acting from the future.

The Context for this new paradigm is “There’s no such thing as should/shouldn’t, right/wrong. They are always and only an interpretation.” Or as Rumi says “Beyond right doing and wrong doing, there is a field, I will meet you there.”

The Action required for Re-Invention is a series of conversations that one engages in to transform a possibility and build a bridge in to reality. These conversations generate commitment and bold promises, and a way of assessing the steps in this movement towards this reality by simply asking 1) “What happened?” without assigning any meaning to it, 2) “What’s missing?” without assigning any judgment to it and 3) “What’s next?” by answering this with taking action from the future based on declarations already made. Hence, there are no problems but merely one’s personal relationship to these conversations and inquiries.

Finally, Goss asks us to let go of all our limiting beliefs and let go of using our Winning Strategy in order to win and control so that life turns out the way it should, and doesn’t turnout the way it shouldn’t. Instead she invites us to the high stakes game of life of making the impossible happen, and taking quantum leaps by freely engaging in risk-taking in a game one is impassioned to play, while life turns out the way it does! There is no fall back position!

The one dimension that Quantum One Life Coaching adds to the Re-Invention Master paradigm is the transpersonal realm which invokes the One to co-create the game with us from the moment these declarations are made by adding the following phrase to each declaration:
“This or something better for the highest good of all concerned!”

And so it is.

The Act of Will

2008-11-02T14:52:00.000-08:00

The work of the founder of Psychosynthesis, the renowned Italian psychiatrist and friend of Carl Jung, Dr. Roberto Assagioli that will continue to inform and inspire my practice as a Quantum One Life Coach is explored in his book “The Act of Will.” (Penguin Books 1974). This work is essential reading for anyone who is contemplating a career in coaching because it addresses the issue of the development of one’s inner powers.

Essentially, one must appreciate the very nature of the will because it this understanding that can empower the coach to look at what the obstacles as well as what the opportunities may be for his or her clients to actually manifest their intentions and goals.

Assagioli begins his work by breaking down the different aspects of the will into 1) the strong will, 2) the skillful will, 3) the good will and 4) the Transpersonal will.

Strength is only one aspect of will, and when dissociated from the others, it can often be ineffectual and even harmful to oneself and others. The skillful will consists of the ability to “obtain desired results with the least possible expenditure of energy.” But without the ability to choose the right goals, the other two aspects of the will may be devoid of any ethical consideration, or sense of love and compassion. Hence it is vital to cultivate a “good will” to foster the most virtuous or benign actions.

Finally, Assagioli speaks to the importance of the Transpersonal Will which is the will of the Transpersonal Self. This is the field of the relationship within each individual between the will of the personal self or I, and the will of the Transpersonal Self which can lead to the fusion of the personal and the transpersonal self to the point that one experiences being “in the flow, ’ or “wu-wei.”

Next, Assagioli looks at the various qualities of the will. These are:

1. Energy – Dynamic Power – Intensity
2. Mastery – Control – Discipline
3. Concentration – One-Pointedness – Attention – Focus
4. Determination – Decisiveness – Resoluteness – Promptness
5. Persistence – Endurance – Patience
6. Initiative – Courage – Daring
7. Organization – Integration - Synthesis

It is important for the Quantum Life One Coach to consider the combination of all of these qualities when supporting the client to cultivate their will if they are to achieve their highest and fullest potential. In assessing how a client may be moving forward in manifesting their goals and dreams, it is vital to look to see whether there are qualities of the will that need deeper cultivation. Is there a willingness to amplify or regulate and manage the energetic component and focus on the task at hand or to cultivate self-discipline? Is there a willingness to act promptly or decisively, or to take risks? Is there a willingness to persist in the face of obstacles, rejections and curve-balls or integrate all of the qualities and aspects of the will in order to achieve the desired outcome or results.

Assagioli has created a number of exercises to support the client in cultivating each aspect of the will. These range from “faking it ‘til you make it” to active visualizations, from intentionality to practices for the cultivation of a Transpersonal Self in which individuals align their lives with transcending values.

The act of will receives considerable elaboration by Assagioli. He identifies six sequential phases or stages of the act of will that can empower the client to move from intention to realization. The desired outcome will be a result of how successfully and effectively each stage of the act of will is carried out: There are five clearly written chapters on all of the six stages which are:

1. The purpose, aim, or goal - based on evaluation, motivation and intention.
2. Deliberation.
3. Choice and decision.
4. Affirmation: the Command, or “Fiat” of the Will.
5. Planning and working out a program
6. Direction of the execution.

A striking and very significant feature of this first stage is to explore the motivations of a purpose, aim or goal. This gets into the fine line between coaching and therapy. A well-trained Quantum One Life Coach will want to explore the motivations of each goal to assess whether there are unconscious motivating factors that may not at first appear on the surface. Lower and higher motivations may actually be embedded in a goal and there may be a multiplicity of motivating factors. It is important for a Quantum One Life Coach to tease these out to see if a goal is meeting a lower drive or urge. Assagioli takes the position that the “advantage of directing the psychological tendencies toward creative purposes accrues from the manner in which these tendencies, the very energies themselves, become transmuted and sublimated through being directed to higher ends.”

Assagioli completes his work by exploring the potential force of a “joyous will,” which, he considers, can often be intrinsic to the act of will. He goes even further in suggesting that there is a difference between joy and bliss, and that this difference is at the level of the Transpersonal Will because there is the potential for a harmonious union between the personal and Transpersonal Will, the potential for harmony between one’s Transpersonal Will and those of others, and “highest and foremost, the bliss of the identification with the Universal Will.”

The Quantum One Life Coach will always seek “to co-create your wildest dreams and highest aspirations with the Power of Imagination,” and in the process may empower a client from a place of joy to an experience of bliss. The question then arises: how does a client who may have no sense of the Transpersonal, attain a Transpersonal Act of Will.

Assagioli, and this practitioner of Quantum One Life Coaching would concur that this is an aspect of the will that may reveal itself in the process of identifying those unconscious higher motivations and also in the process of cultivating the other three aspects of the will.

Evoking Excellence in Others

2008-10-30T20:37:00.000-07:00

James Flaherty’s book, “Coaching – Evoking Excellence in Others,” (Butterworth-Heinemann, 1999) has been described as the ‘mother lode’ of coaching’s guiding principles. It is an essential primer for any Quantum One Life Coach because it identifies five essential guiding principles for coaching:

1. A Relationship based on mutual respect, mutual trust and freedom of expression between coach and client is the core principle.
2. Pragmatism brings an outcome based approach with a corrective feedback loop.
3. Coaching occurs on two tracks as both coach and client are engaged in learning and breakdowns may occur in either person’s commitment or competence.
4. Clients are always/already in the middle of their activity/journey and they come in with their own concerns, and commitments. They are not empty vessels.
5. Techniques don’t work but guiding principles do.

It has been the experience of this practitioner of Quantum One Life Coaching that although specific techniques in session do not work, guiding principles such as the “GROW” model of coaching can be very effective. Certain tools can be very effective, such as including exercises and creative expression assignments. A case in point is a “money exercise” that was recently done by a writing coach, in which she was able to deeply explore her personal relationship with money. This process took a couple of weeks of deep introspection and she did not hesitate to “put pen to paper.” The most profound question that required a shift in her way of being was “what did she have to give up” to have a more positive, wholesome relationship with money. This exploration not only required the client to change her patterns of consumption but also her way of being in her work and in her relationships as a mature human being responsible for effective management of her time and creative energy.

Flaherty’s most profound contribution to the art of coaching is his introspection about the nature of a “human being,” which goes to the heart of the question about our fullest and highest potential. The human being is the “focus, center, and subject of coaching.” This practitioner of Quantum One Life Coaching had success with a gay client who was unable to maintain steady employment because of his diagnosis of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and Bipolar Disorder. The focus of the coaching with this client was: “can a human being be complete and whole without having a self-definition as an “economic being?” Instead of coaching this client to become employable by teaching him skills such as resume writing and helping him become more comfortable with the interviewing process, which other counselors have attempted in vain to do, this Quantum One Life Coach challenged the client to look at how he defined his very humanity, and become more comfortable with who he was rather than what he could do. One of his assignments was to watch the movie “Rivers and Tides” which is about an artist who does not work within the context of creating art for the market economy. The outcome of this was that the client was able to let him self enjoy knitting, gardening, playing the piano and volunteering as a sign linguist – all of which brought him joy and some measure of satisfaction.

Another useful analysis presented by Flaherty is to look at an overview of the coaching process, specifically the “Flow of Coaching.” This flow, he breaks down into, 1) Establish a relationship, 2) Recognize an Opening, 3) Observe/Assess, 4) Enroll the client
And 5) Coaching conversations.

Establishing a relationship is of course the fundamental foundation for a successful Quantum One Life Coach and has been addressed by most authors on the coaching process.

Recognizing an opening and making assessments are also essential to the coaching process since it is often the entry to a domain of life that needs attention and self-cultivation.

Flaherty identifies the openings for coaching into 1) performance assessment, 2) breakdown, 3) Broken promises, 4) Request for coaching, 5) Need for a new skill and 6) Business need.

Flaherty presents several models of assessment which can be very useful in planning the way forward with a client. The Five Elements model looks at 1) Immediate concerns, 2) Commitments, 3) Future Possibilities, 4) Personal and Cultural History and 5) Mood.
A second model looks at the Domains of Competence: 1) the “I” Domain which assesses self-management, 2) The “We” domain, which looks at relationships with others, and 3) the “It” Domain which looks at facts and events. A third model is based on Components of Satisfaction and Effectiveness and assesses for 1) Intellect, 2) Emotion, 3) Will, 4) Context and 5) Soul.

The enrollment phase is of course vital to the transformation of the client and the potential outcome of the coaching because it addresses the specific commitments of the client and the coach, and also the possible impediments and hindrances to meeting those commitments.

The final phase addresses the types of conversation that can be pursued in the coaching session. He presents three overviews. The first model looks at the initial coaching conversation – the possibility of coaching, enrollment in coaching, beginning to coach, supporting coaching and follow up. The second overview looks at conversations that might occur after the third or fourth session of coaching: reporting, connecting, changing, practicing, completing and follow up. The third overview is recommended for the completion of the coaching program.

In conclusion, one of the most important topics covered by Flaherty is the importance of self-development or self-cultivation for the coach. This requires a continuous honing of skills, self-assessments, personal growth and a cultivation of personal qualities, without which a coach cannot really be true to the coaching profession.

The Tao of Coaching

2008-10-29T23:52:00.000-07:00

Another excellent coaching model that will continue to inform my practice as a Quantum One Life Coach is covered in the international best-seller by Max Landsberg. Although much of “The Tao of Coaching”focuses on organizational coaching for management in which there are multiple opportunities for vertical and horizontal coaching on the organizational ladder, there are also certain aspects of the model that have wider application in the Quantum One Life Coaching practice. Given that Quantum One Life Coaching does offer services in corporate coaching, Landsberg’s model is useful in a corporate environment as well as in individual situations.

Max Landsberg’s definition of coaching is a useful place to start out in embodying the Tao of Coaching:

“Coaching aims to enhance the performance and learning ability of others.

It involves giving feedback, but it also includes other techniques such as motivation and effective questioning. And, for a manager-coach it includes recognizing the coachee’s readiness to undertake a particular task in terms of both their skill and will.

Overall, the coach is aiming for the coachee to help her – or himself. And it is a dynamic interaction – it does not rely on a one-way flow or instruction.” (2003, p. xii).

One of the key principles of this model of coaching is to appreciate the effectiveness of asking and not telling during the coaching session in order to empower the coachee to achieve a higher quality of task completion, a deeper level of understanding of the issue(s), a higher level of motivation, and a higher level of learning.

Providing positive and constructive feedback is another important component of this model of coaching. This also means discussing what the coachee might do even better next time. Clearly this is an essential aspect in the area of corporate coaching.

The fundamental component of "The Tao of Coaching" model, developed by former partner at McKinsey & Company, Organizational and business coach, Max Landsberg, in this book, is the structuring of the coaching session, which is known as the GROW model. G denotes goal, R denotes Reality, O denotes Options and W denotes Wrap-up.

In the Quantum One Life Coaching practice, the client/coachee is invited to explore and then set the goal at the outset of the session, although the term of preference for Quantum One Life Coaching is “setting intention(s)” both for the session and for the outcome of the session. This setting of intention may also be in the form of a vision or an affirmation for the individual such as

“as a result of this session, I see myself completing my Bohemian Club project in Santa Barbara, with grace and ease.”

The next phase of the session fully explores the Reality and also the context of the situation. The client is invited to make a self-assessment, check to see what has worked and not worked in the past, what the coachee’s relationship is with the issue and whether or not there is a sense of alignment with the long-range goals/mission/vision for the client.

In the Options process of this exploration, the coach is encouraging the client/coachee to identify and flesh out the various options and choices available based on past successes or the possibility of an alternative solution.

The Wrap-up aspect of this model requires a review of how viable or doable the options are, and then identifying the next steps, the support and resources needed. A time line is a valuable addition to this process.

Building New Beliefs: The Structure of Certainty

2008-10-26T17:48:00.001-07:00

Richard Bandler, the father of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) has helped thousands of people around the globe to rid themselves of "incurable" phobias, fears, anxieties, addictions, negative habits and past traumas - sometimes in just a single session. In his latest book, "Get the Life you Want," he tackles the issue of how our belief systems can often keep us stuck:

"ONE OF THE MOST important aspects of what human beings do is build beliefs. Beliefs are what trap most people in their problems. Unless you believe you can get over something, get through something, or get to something, there is little likelihood you will be able to do it. Your beliefs refer to your sense of certainty on some of your thoughts.

Most people listen to their parents, teachers, and authority figures from an early age and learn lots of limitations they supposedly have. If you were told that you were not clever enough or not good enough at a subject or at a sport, the danger is that you believed it. As soon as we believe in something, we search for ways to prove it's true. What we are looking for here is to learn to doubt your limitations and be more certain of what is possible for you.

In order to create any change, it's necessary to help the person change their beliefs and build new beliefs that will allow them to maintain the change into the future. In order to change beliefs, we first need to learn a way of finding out the qualities of beliefs.

Once again, this is where submodalities come in handy. Like any thought, our beliefs have a structure in terms of their qualities. If I were to ask you, "Do you believe the sun is coming up tomorrow?" what would your response be? Typically you would immediately answer yes, but there is an intervening process. In order to answer the question "Do you believe the sun is coming up tomorrow?", you will usually represent this belief in your mind.

It's important to note that if I asked you the question verbally, you would know the answer without speaking aloud. When I ask, "Is the sun coming up tomorrow?", typically people flash an image of the sun somewhere in their minds. They may say yes inside their heads in a certain tone of voice, and they will have a feeling of certainty somewhere in their bodies that lets them know this is true.

This internal process is a guide for our behavior. It allows us to make plans. It allows us to buy a book and know that we'll read it in the future. Having beliefs as a guide to our behavior is an important part of being a human being. It's also an important part of knowing how to change a human being - and how to change yourself in particular." (2008, pp. 19-20).

~ Excerpted from "Get the Life You Want - The Secrets to Quick and Lasting Life Change with Neuro-Linguistic Programming" by Richard Bandler, hypnotherapist and Transformation Guru

Failure is the stepping stone to Success

2008-10-24T23:11:00.000-07:00

Dr. Jeffrey Satinover, author of "The Quantum Brain" discusses the important relationship of failure to success:

"In my years as a psychiatrist, I have treated many highly "successful" individuals who have floundered upon confronting setbacks, considering themselves "failures." I have learned the following lesson : Truly successful people, the most successful, have a very checkered track record, peppered with what they consider many serious "losses." Success for them is defined not by any external, objective standard unvarying from one person to the next but rather by that level of accomplishment that the individuals themselves experience as unequivocally satisfying (and that often happens to, but need not, coincide with what others consider successful, too).

Invariably, those with near-perfect records, outstanding by "objective" standards, suffer from two afflictions: They are excruciatingly sensitive to failure (which is why when confronted with it, should they happen to be, they fall into the tailspin that brings them to my office); they consider themselves never really to have fulfilled their own potential, even when not in crisis. And they're correct, contrary to all to kind-hearted, humane and utterly useless self-esteem building that constitutes a substantial part of "therapy" nowadays.

In reality, a decent exposure to failure, over a long enough time, not only inoculates us against emotional collapse, it allows us to try things that expand our reach: if you can't fail, you can't succeed. The steepest learning curves (measured against a standard that varies from person to person, however) happen when serious loss is allowed and not avoided. When we avoid loss, we still may do well by the world's standards, but we know we are being cowardly. We therefore can't experience the joy of genuine accomplishment - and we shouldn't." (2001, pp. 14-15).

~ Excerpted from "The Quantum Brain - The Search for Freedom and the Next Generation of Man" By Dr. Jeffrey Satinover, practicing psychiatrist, past president of the C.G. Jung Foundation, and former Fellow in Psychiatry and Child Psychiatry at Yale University. He has also been a William James Lecturer in Psychology and Religion at Harvard University.

Overcoming Perfectionitis with Healthy Striving

2008-10-22T11:27:00.000-07:00

Award-winning author, renowned empowerment coach and fellow University of Santa Monica graduate, Eli Davidson has this to offer about how to overcome Perfectionitis in her best-selling and entertaining book "Funky to Fabulous" which should be on your reading list if you're serious about realizing your wildest dreams and highest aspirations:

"LIFE IN THE LESS THAN PERFECT LANE

What would life be like without the disease? (Yep, it is possible to live that way!) The opposite of Perfectionitis is what researchers call "healthy striving." Studies show that healthy strivers set realistic goals that are the natural next step from where they are now. You can too! Go ahead and dream big. Then lay out a set of reasonable steps that will get you there. That way you can work smarter, not harder.

Not only that. You get to acknowledge yourself for completing each step along the way. That adds up to a lot of positive internal reinforcement. The more steps you get to declare done and done well, the more you build your self-image as someone savvy and successful. And that feels great. Instead o rewarding yourself only when you reach the mondo outcome, you savor the delights of the journey. Since its a pretty fab expedition, you take the flubs and toe stubs into account as part of the adventure.

Healthy striving goes along with healthy self-esteem. And when your self-esteem is alive and well, you tend to live from the inside out. You "pick a game you can win," as my pal Kathryn Allen says. You go for things that have juice for you inside and are attainable outside. You pay attention to the smarts inside of you." (2007, pp. 109-110)

~ Excerpted from "Funky to Fabulous - Surefire success strategies for the...Savvy, Sassy, and Swamped," by empowerment expert, Eli Davidson, M.A. in Spiritual Psychology.

Living Deeply and Seeing with New Eyes

2008-10-20T19:27:00.000-07:00

A great read, based on a decadelong research program at the Institute of Noetic Sciences is entitled "Living Deeply - The Art and Science of Transformation in Everyday Life." The very first chapter sets the context for the field in which a Transpersonal Life Coach works with a client:

A transformation in consciousness effects a kind of double vision in people.

They see more than one reality at the same time, which gives a depth to both

their experience and to their response to the experience.

- RACHEL NAOMI REMEN (2003)

---

"For Richard Gunther, who tells his story in the preface to this book, transformation happened in a moment. He stepped out onto a deck and experienced the beauty and splendor of the Big Sur coastline. He felt the sun on his flesh and the wind in his hair. But he also felt something else. Something much more meaningful: a change in his worldview. In one moment he was suddenly "flooded with contentment and the joy of feeling whole, of being blessed." In an instant, he experienced a paradigm shift that changed the way he saw the world - and his place in it.

***

While not everyone experiences it in a moment, Richard Gunther's experience can best be described as a consciousness transformation. Consciousness transformations are profound internal shifts that result in long-lasting changes in the way you experience and relate to yourself, others, and the world. It's not so much that this successful businessman became a different person. Instead, he experienced a change in his perception of reality - and in the process discovered more fully who he really is, independent of the social expectations and cultural conditioning that had previously shaped his sense of self.

***

Stop and reflect for a moment. Looking back over your life, can you find pivotal moments that broadened your perspective? Have there been times in your life that you identify as turning points - moments after which you saw the world in a more open and generous light? Have you ever felt connected to something greater than yourself, and in that connection felt self-centeredness slip away? Or have you noticed a more gradual process, where over a period of months or years you changed the way you viewed yourself and the world, little by little?

***

Consciousness transformations happen more often than you might think. Knowing more about what stimulates them, how they work, and what supports the process can help you jump on board rather than be just pulled along, getting bashed about in the process. By understanding transformation, you'll be better able to navigate the enormous changes that face each of us every day of our lives. As a result, you may be able to shift what is difficult and challenging into opportunity and adventure. Our premise is simple, yet radical: your behavior, attitudes, and ways of being in the world are changed in life-affirming and lasting ways only when your consciousness transforms and you commit to living deeply into that transformation." (2007, pp. 14-15)

***

~Excerpted from "Living Deeply - The Art and Science of Transformation in Everyday Life" by Marilyn Mandala Schlitz, Ph.D., Cassandra Vieten, Ph.D., Tina Amorok, Psy.D.

The Professional Magician: The Coach

2008-10-08T20:45:00.000-07:00

Patricia R. Adson, Ph.D. is the author of "Depth Coaching" which takes an archetypal approach to Life Coaching. I particularly appreciate her identification of the Magician as the archetypal force which is accessed by the coach:

"The journey of the coach, therapist, counselor, or journey guide is the journey of the Magician. Changing consciousness and awareness - is what we do. We change others by first becoming true to ourselves. We calm others by being calm ourselves and motivate others by being motivated. As coaches we also have an obligation to become familiar with the many change strategies that connect people to their own paths and to their own powers (their archetypal forces).

The very power to name can be magic and, when used with care, can be a transforming force. When used carelessly, however, this power can be damaging. Look at how much harm some psychologists did when they named many ordinary feelings and situations as diseases and turned health into illness. Name-calling is a powerful thing. The coach can help people reframe, rename, and see things with a different perspective with amazing (seemingly) magical results. The coach does this not by working magic on clients, but by teaching clients to be magicians in their own lives. Coaching is not something you do to people but something you do with people.

The unique nature of the coaching relationship calls for knowledge of the fundamentals of change, a profound respect for the client, and a sincere belief in the client's ability to change. If you don't believe with all your heart that a client is capable of change, don't agree to work with that client.

The Magician is also trying to reveal in the ordinary world the truth of the non-ordinary dimension. A simple example of of this is helping clients discover their purpose or calling. At a deeper level this may be manifesting heaven on earth - ideal forms expressed in the material world - by finding the real nobility of the clients (deeper values and special gifts) and helping them to express these in the way they live their lives.

The coach - as generalist and change agent - must also have some personal characteristics not always required in other professions. These include intense curiosity, the ability to inspire, creativity, imagination, intuition, and a passion to help others grow and learn - to help others find their own paths. Some of these characteristics can be learned, but others cannot. If you don't have passion, you can't fake it. Find another profession. This is not your calling."

~ Excerpted from "Depth Coaching - Discovering Archetypes for Empowerment, Growth and Balance" by Patricia R. Adson, Ph.D. (2004, p. 85).

The Heart of Faith

2008-10-07T23:21:00.000-07:00

To celebrate the launch of this new blog, I wish to honor my Life Coach trainers at the Institute of Transpersonal Psychology, Todd Zimmerman and Dr. Rosie Kuhn who has published a very useful text on self empowerment, which I highly recommend. Here are a few gems from her book entitled "Self-Empowerment 101:"

"Those who have faced issues of faith many times over, come to a place where trust and faith are not so necessary. They've exercised these particular muscles to the degree that there is a level of mastery, a confidence, and a knowing that Divine wisdom is always and everywhere. They know they will be able to handle what needs to be handled. They know by following their bliss and their passions, their calling and their convictions, they will be given what is needed when it's needed. They know they can live in patience and peace while remaining open to allowing what is, to be what it is. Each of us has a capacity to live in this knowing; in this peaceful, open, and allowing space. We will not get there by living in the safety of the known and the possible while avoiding vulnerability. We will only get there by changing our relationship to the impossible.

Three ways to learn about faith:

1. Every religion and spiritual tradition has a component of mysticism, which is really the crucible for faith-based living. This is where the heart of faith and true practice of spirituality lies. There is Christian Mysticism, Judaic Mysticism, Islamic Mysticism, and Buddhist Mysticism. My experience is that they can be extremely supportive in your endeavor to live an empowering life in many ways. If you are curious enough, I would strongly encourage you to research these aspects of your religious and spiritual teachings.

2. Ancient wisdom, passed down for thousands of years, is accessible through many indigenous cultures. There are many resources available to you to research the ancient traditions and wisdoms.

3. Acknowledging all of the times you've experienced faith firsthand and survived, perhaps coming out better.

You are being asked to consciously choose a life worth living. If you've read these words then you're at choice about your options. In service to this intention, you might find it empowering to sit with an elder as a mentor, or hire a therapist, a spiritual director, or a life coach to support you through this process.

When you live into your true personal power you face your future and desires without the survival strategies that once distorted your personal truth so as to avoid vulnerability. Nothing real can be threatened or is in peril. What is threatened is only your attachment to the beliefs and interpretations you've lived by. Experiment by letting go - just a little bit - and begin to create the impossible."

~ Excerpted from "Self-Empowerment 101 - Re-enchantment with our own capacity for empowering ourselves and others" By Dr. Rosie Kuhn, Ph.D (2007, pp. 117-118).

The small gold coins

2008-10-04T11:18:00.000-07:00

I just had a free association re-reading my first post on this blog. I am reminded of David Whyte's poem which evokes images of those marvellous small gold coins:

The Well of Grief

Those who will not slip beneath

the still surface on the well of grief
turning down to its black water

to the place that we can not breathe
will never know

the source from which we drink

the secret water cold and clear
nor find in the darkness

the small gold coins

thrown by those who wished for something else

~ David Whyte ~

To Find Ourselves in the Presence of Angels

2008-10-03T22:40:00.000-07:00

The following quote from Virgina Woolf showed up twice this evening while I was reading about Quantum healing and it seemed to be a prompt from Beyond to get started on a new blog about the Quantum realm and the power of Imagination:

"How common illness is
how tremendous the spiritual change that it brings,
how astonishing when the lights of health go down,
the undiscovered countries that are then disclosed,
what wastes and deserts of the soul a slight attack of influenza brings to view,
what precipices and lawns sprinkled with bright flowers a little rise of temperature reveals,
what ancient and obdurate oaks are uprooted in us by the act of sickness,
how we go down into the pit of death and feel the waters of annihilation close above our heads and wake thinking to find ourselves in the presence of angels."